Dear Person(s),

I want to start this off with: thank you. No, not thank you for shattering my heart to pieces. Instead, thank you for showing me that I deserved better. Thank you for forcing me to relearn how to love not only myself once again, but also forcing me to even entertain the idea of opening myself up to someone else. So thank you for being a stepping stone in the whole grand scheme of things.

The concept that someone else could be so responsible for my emotional well being concerned me for a long while afterwards. That notion that someone else could be the source to my happiness? To break my soul, my spirit, and my heart is not an easy task. And yet each time I come back swinging harder and stronger than before. All of the times I wanted to break down in public. Yes, all of the times I had to run to the bathroom to dry my eyes during class or while I was at work…. They all seem pretty silly now.

It’s terrifying to think that I shared so much of my life with one specific person, that when they walked out of my life it was like I lost part of myself. It was stressful trying not to immediately text you to tell you something funny that I saw in my travels. It’s weird to consider the idea that you’re the reason I started writing poetry and music again. The reason I began painting again. The reason I stopped listening to all the music you recommended or that made me think of you. The reason I couldn’t read specific books anymore. You infiltrated every aspect of my life, in ways neither of us knew until after all was said and done, and that is absolutely horrifying.

No, in fact, I think what I want to finally say is: I forgive you. I forgive you for being honest with me finally. I forgive you for knowing what was best for me in the given situation. I forgive you for stomping on my emotions. I forgive you.

This was not an easy task to do. To get out of my own head? To look at things the way you saw them? It hurt. It took me such a long time to see what you meant by things "weren’t working" between the two of us. I had no idea that I was so miserable. And even worse, I was too blinded by love to notice that you were even more miserable than I was. I was so blinded, that I couldn’t tell that we both wanted very different things from the relationship that we were not getting.

You learn a lot about yourself when your heart is shattered. You learn where and how things fit back together. And when all is said and done, nothing ever really is the same once someone stomps on your heart.

But you learn how to let go of the past, let go of the toxic feelings that stick around. You learn to clean up the cobwebs in your heart. You learn to see things in a different light. Sometimes you just have to step back and look at things from the logical, emotion free point of view to come to the conclusion that it was not the way you wanted things to happen but that they had to happen that way.

And that is perfectly fine.

So, thank you for reaffirming my “everything happens for a reason” attitude. Thank you for making me open up my eyes. Thank you for reminding me that I wanted more out of life. Thank you for getting me back to my roots. Thank you for respecting my wishes. Thank you for letting me move on in my own way, in my own time.

Who knows? Maybe one day, I’ll look back and laugh at all of this. But for now, I’m glad that everything happens for a reason. And that things were left the way they were. I’m glad that we both had enough respect for one another to deal with the emotions.

I'm glad that things happened the way they did. Because without that, I would be different. It would change the very fiber of my being right now. Because everything that happened led me to be exactly how I am today.

So, sincerely,

Me