We always say the worst that can happen is to lose someone we love, physically. While the death of a loved one can destroy a person down to the core, it isn't the only way. To be present physically is a beautiful occurrence. To witness them grab their stomach when they're laughing or watch their hands being thrown in the air to help emphasize their emotions is a colorful picture. To have them and their organic actions completely taken away from you automatically makes the world in which we must continue to live in, black and white. When someone is mentally taken from you, the world becomes gray. Physically sitting in the wooden chair across from you, the room may still seem empty.
As the generations before us age, their mind may disintegrate. While we ache with heartbreak, let us not forget that they hurt too. Let us know forget that they' re still the same person deep within who may not be able to distinguish this from that or you from someone else, but they know. If you've been hit with knowing someone with a type of Dementia, I am sorry. Just don't forget to remind them you aren't going anywhere.
Dear You,
I know you're in there, reading this from the person I know you've always been and always will be. You may not remember what you just asked me, what I replied with or who I even am but please just know that no matter how tough it may be, I'm not going anywhere. None of us are.
Sure, we may think that Dementia is taking you away from us, but I know it isn't. With all of my being, I will try my hardest to remind the rest of the family and your friends that you won't be taken from us. While none of us are going anywhere, I know you aren't either. As hard as it may be, I understand that you're just on a different frequency than us and this is just going to take extra patience on both ends of the see-saw. We'll try our best to not make comments like "I already told you this" or "You just asked me that four minutes ago," if you pinky swear to not raise your voice or become stubborn if we accidentally do make that remark or give you step-by-step directions when trying to help you accomplish something. We know you're not a child, we just don't want to see you fail.
Please don't be afraid. I never want you to live in fear of forgetting something in the past. It's the past, don't dwell on it — you taught me that. I also never want you to live in fear of wanting to ask about an important event but society expects you to remember. So you can't remember the full detail of my graduation or your child's wedding... who cares. Not me. In fact, since you always were the one to tell me stories, let it be my turn. Let me retell the moment when I saw you so pure with excitement and happiness. Let us reflect together.
I don't mean to sound greedy and arrogant, but what I do ask that you never forget is to laugh. You've got one contagious smile and laugh, which is one of the many reasons you're so loved. So please, never forget to laugh at the good and the bad. Laugh at me, laugh at yourself, laugh at whatever it may be that doesn't make sense to you. As cliché as the saying "laughter is the best medicine" may be, it's going to keep all of us alive. It's a medicine that we could all use, ill or not.
As much as I want with all of my being, I can't change this for you. I'm no superhero no matter how many times you told me I was as a child. I can't take away the pain or bring back that section in your brain to allow you remember a little more. While there is so much on our end of the see-saw that we can't do, there is so much we can and will. We can and will love you and will be there for you and that is so much more than remembering what once happened.
Look at it this way, we've made it this far. As time goes on, it is only going to get worse. You can't prepare for it and we can't either but we're gonna tackle this as a team with patience, love and support. This is something everyone is going to have to get used to and even being aware that it won't get any easier, as a family we're going to get through this together and everything is going to be okay just like it always has been and always will be.
Fear nothing,
Me
