Dear You,
It seems as if you have spent your whole life wondering if this is how it’s always going to be. Just the same old group of you, yourself, and you. Sure, you’ve had friends; always a smiling, recognizable face somewhere. Yet you were always alone. During prom, you dreaded the “getting ready” scene, hoping you would get invited to dinner by a certain group. For football games, you would usually show up by yourself to greet others, only to go home alone as well.
This letter? This is for the people that went through high school without having a friend “group.”
This letter is for the people that sat at home on Saturday nights unless they were the ones to initiate the plans. How about all of the times that you had conversations with new people, praying that maybe they could be the friend that you could always hang out with and build a group on? Painful, desperate, lonely times. Or what about the times when you would by chance hang out with an established group of people and finally felt like you could call them all your friends, only to have them not invite you next time. Or the next time.
You would watch their Snapchat stories endlessly and obsessively check their Instagram posts of their sickeningly cute Christmas parties and pretend to laugh at all of their inside jokes. You felt your heart sink as you realized that when you left for college, there wouldn’t be anyone to care. I mean, not in the same way as a clique of people would care. You never felt included or particularly wanted. You never had a squad or a "fam" or a crew or a sisterhood. But you know what you did have? Scattered friendships. One person from each friend group. You had your own people; quality, not quantity.
Did you know that you are called a drifter? You go from group to group. Not to be confused with a social climber. You just connect with so many different groups of people, and quite frankly, you’ve passed high school. In college? Who cares if you don’t have a “group." Because of your independence, you are able to go out and meet so many people. You are able to make your own plans and not worry about pleasing the rest of the group. Drifters, like you and I, have learned to be alone and not be lonely. We have grown to appreciate solidarity and to not take for granted the company of others. We have established who we are and have found ourselves, on our own. We have learned to not care as much what other people think of us.
Yes, we didn’t have a friend group in high school. Sometimes there are moments that I wish that I had. I’m sure you have those moments too. But hey, we are here now, because of what we did and did not have then. We had beautiful moments with so many different people and that only means we have lived a varied, colorful life.
Sincerely,
A Wandering Optimist
