As the days hurtle towards the start of a New Year, and my 20th year on this earth is being ushered away to receive my 21st, I cannot help but to reflect on all that I’ve learned in this past year. Twenty was an interesting year for me; it didn’t necessarily mark any momentous Oscar-worthy tale of triumph, but it did mark a major shift in my life and how I perceived most of the things and people around me.

In my 20th year, I discovered that I somehow made it out of my awfully awkward years of adolescence and stumbled towards my comfortably awkward years of young-adulthood. I often scared myself by sitting in the homes of friends that I’ve held dear for many years, where we once littered the air with the talk of which Jonas Brother we would marry but now debated politics with actual concrete opinions and references. (Not to say that still I wouldn’t defend the reasoning of my former devout insistence on marrying Nick Jonas, if pressed.) More than once, I could be found asking in my most astonished tone, “When did we become adults?” To which whatever parent was present would simply chuckle and give us a knowing look, soon launching into a tale about how we grew up so quickly.

I learned a great deal in this one year, which both excites me and terrifies me for the years to come. I do not think that I have ever experienced so much growth in one year, but somehow the year between being able to legally drink in the U.S. and the first birthday you celebrate outside of high school, away from the comfort of your parents' arms, really changes a person. This, of course, led me to write down some of the bigger lessons that I have learned.

1. It is ALWAYS important to find at least one book that inspires you/ motivates you to be the absolute best version of yourself.

Growing up, I have always loved to read. I was never the girl that couldn’t find a good book to snuggle up with a steaming cup of tea and get completely lost in. My Goodreads lists will more than prove that I am addicted to the novel. However, I learned in my 20th year that it is absolutely imperative to find a book that keeps you both grounded and motivated in this part of your life.

Being in your 20s, as I am quickly learning, is hard. You go from being somewhat of an adult to suddenly being the age where everyone is getting married and your family is asking about your relationships at family dinners. You need someone not related to you, but also clearly spiritually linked somehow to make it all clear and bearable. Someone who will tell the hard facts, but also make you laugh about it along the way. I chose Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, and Mindy Kaling as my personal tour guides through young-adulthood. Perhaps they may not be your cup of tea—although, I’m assuming you must like the most bitter tea in creation if you don’t absolutely love these women—but in my mind, they are exactly what this world and this girl needs: strong, successful, independent women that understand the importance of diversity, comedy and feminism. Reading their books helped me to understand a lot of the things I experienced when I turned 20, and I’m sure that they’ll help me even more when I begin to experience the next nine years of my life before 30.

If you’re interested, check out "Yes Please" by Amy Poehler, "Bossypants" by Tina Fey, and "Why Not Me?" by Mindy Kaling. All incredible reads, all incredible women.

2. At some point, you’re going to have to get over high school.

I like to say that I don’t hold grudges, but I will admit that my New Year’s Resolution is actually to stop holding them. High School is unfortunately a shitty time for most people. There’s the pressure of impending college, fitting in, dating, finding a job, and joining a million clubs all to be prepared for your future. Honestly, too much pressure is placed on the average high school student. I can attest to that fact first hand. However, I think that one of my biggest struggles in high school was the fact that I was trying so hard to be friends with some of the worst people in the world (See? I really need to let it go.)

OK, so these were definitely not the worst people in the world. I know this because: one, I have been fortunate enough to never actually encounter the worst person in the world and two, the friends that I did have in high school seemed to mostly like those girls so there is no actual way they were entirely terrible. The fact is that they should have been nicer to and more accepting of me, but more importantly, I shouldn’t have given a sh*t about them. I let their opinions and treatment of me hurt and pester me so much that I carried some of that resentment with me to college. It made me bitter towards anyone that reminded me of them and even somewhat judgmental during my freshman year, which is so incredibly far from who I am.

This past year, I realized just how much I have changed and I had to accept the fact that those girls may have changed too. I am not the same person that I was my freshman year of college, let alone my senior year of high school. I had to learn to just let things go. It certainly wasn’t easy, but holding onto all of the hurt you felt in high school doesn’t somehow make you a better person. It makes you bitter and angry, and it prevents you from living the amazing life that you have yet to even explore. You have to let it go.

Sometimes, it just means a lot of forgiveness. It is not easy to forgive a group of girls that helped to lower your self-esteem for three years in high school, but it is far healthier than carrying around a weight of hatred for a group of people that you will probably never have to cross paths with again. It is always better to forgive and love. Remember that.

3. Friendships are going to change.

Unfortunately, the Spice Girls lied to us when they crooned out the lyrics, “Friendship never ends.” Consequently, that means your mother and grandmother were right when they warned you that some people are in your life for simply a reason or a season. This revelation can often be the most heartbreaking and prevalent.

When you begin to face adulthood, you begin to really question the things and people in your life: you don’t want to go through another decade of unnecessary drama and toxic relationships, so you clean house a little. For some, this may mean going on a three-day Facebook friends list purge, removing those that you truly just do not want in your life. For others, it may mean taking a very necessary hiatus from any and all social media and discovering for yourself who those people that you cannot go a long period without speaking to are. Sometimes, the person that you trusted the most is going to let you down and break your heart a little, and try as you might to save the friendship that you believed in so heavily, you’re going to have to choose yourself and let go because you are the only one fighting to save anything.

Whatever the reason or outcome, it is important to know that as you grow, so will your relationships. Sometimes this means that people will grow apart, and sometimes it means that they will grow together. The secret? The people that are meant to be in your life, the ones that truly care about you, will never be growing too far away. It just takes some time to see it.

4. Brooke Davis was right: “Hos over bros.”

"One Tree Hill" is a lot of things: exciting, dramatic, often steamy and teeming with nostalgia. It is also littered with honestly inspiring moments and revelations from one of the strongest women in YA television, Brooke Davis. Brooke is many things: flawed, often impulsive, and just a little bit vengeful. She is also brilliant, hilarious, independent, witty, self-reliant, and an amazing friend.

I think that many young girls learned a lot from a blossoming Brooke Davis during the show's time on the air. I personally, will never forget the moment that she first uttered the words “Hos over bros” while lying next to Peyton on her best friend’s bed. This is something that my mother taught me, albeit with more eloquent language. From a very young age, I learned that my life is measured by far more than a man. I repeat: A man does not a life make (more on that later).

I also learned that at the end of the day, you are going to have your friends and family far longer than you’ll have any guy that comes into your life—unless that man is the absolute one. And even then, you should always make him a part of your world, not your entire world. Your friends should never be replaced by a guy, even if that guy is just some dude that you fanaticize about. Get over yourself, and appreciate the beautiful gaggle of friends that you have by your side.

I am blessed to have a best friend of 11 years that is in a very serious relationship with her boyfriend of four years. Within that relationship, there is a lot of love and a lot of friendship, and I am happy to call them both two of my closest friends. That being said, when they first started dating, my best friend called me to remind me that her mother told her “Sisters before misters,” and to this very day her boyfriend knows that statement still stands.

Hos over bros/ sisters before misters doesn’t mean side-stepping your boyfriend or telling him that he is less important than your friends; it simply means that you don’t forget your friends and who you truly are while in a relationship or pursuing one. It means that even as relationships change, you stay true to those whom have remained true to you.

5. Find your show, love it forever.

If you’re not a television person, this little bit may not appeal to you as greatly. But for me, it is a reminder to enjoy the nostalgic and simple joys in life. Your show, whether it is "Game of Thrones" or "Gilmore Girls," will be that one thing you can always rely on when you are by yourself, too lazy to pick up a book, and in the mood to watch someone else’s life played out in front of you—someone that you really care about. It is your feel-good, not-truly-guilty pleasure and you love it. Find your show. It will help to soothe the broken or bruised heart, and will certainly make those stressful days far more enjoyable.

6. I am proud of my spirituality.

As I venture more and more into this ever-growing adult world, I meet more people with different views on religion and spirituality than I was once used to. I don’t find it particularly offensive or heart-breaking; I actually find it rather interesting to hear other people’s views and opinions. I respect other people’s beliefs (that is a vital key to life).

However, that doesn’t change what I know in my heart and soul. I believe in God. I pray, I read the Bible, and I go to church when I’m back home with my family—it can be hard to find a church that you really like in college. I am still an individual, I still have my own beliefs and values that differ from many others that go to church and read the Bible, and I am still the girl who will dance without a second thought if a Beyoncé song comes on.

We are all many things; don’t let the world try to define you or belittle you for one of them. (Unless you’re something bad like homophobic or racist—then you should probably work on that.)

7. Singing in the car with your friends

—windows down, bass bumping—is vital to a happy and healthy life.

8. It is totally acceptable to watch "The Notebook" for the umpteenth time and cry over the ending because you just “really get their love story this time, more than ever before.”

Cry it out, girl (or guy). Only the heartless are judging you, and we don’t have room for them in our Nicholas Sparks-filled world anyway.

9. He is not the only boy in the world; don’t lose too much sleep over him.

While I am sure that my friends wish that I had realized this all of eight months ago, I can attest to the fact that even in this stage of getting over a boy, I may have perhaps given him a little too much control over my heart. Boys can be great and insightful and they make our hearts swell with love. They can also be cruel or forgetful or indecisive, and they can break our hearts in two without even meaning to or realizing that we batted an eyelash at them. Boys are an enigma, just as women are. The best we can do is try not to lose ourselves over a heartbreak. Cry as much as you need to, smile as often as you can, and laugh whenever the opportunity presents itself. You’ll be okay.

Also, keep your freezer stocked with ice cream. Don’t even worry about the calories—moderation is everything.

10. A man does not a life make.

I feel as though this one is pretty self-explanatory. Under no circumstances should a boy become your entire world. That is a flawed piece of logic that needs to be tossed out the window along with “meninism” and wage inequality. Absolutely no one has time for that sh*t. You were not created, born, or raised just to be the wife of someone (or the husband of someone). You can be destined to be together while still being destined and born for greatness that has absolutely nothing to do with the other person outside of their unwavering support.

Do not undervalue yourself just to make another person feel valued. Don’t allow yourself to be belittled in any relationship. You were given this life for a reason, and as romantic as the sentiment may be, he or she isn’t actually it.

11. The best people in your life are those that challenge you.

I have had the blessing of meeting and interacting with countless individuals in my life. I have a very large and diverse group of friends spread throughout the world, and I love them all very dearly. The ones that I am closest to, however, are the ones that frustrate me the most. I have come to learn that being a shoulder to cry on is just as important as being the one to give someone a good kick in the ass when they need it.

As loving and nurturing as my friends can be, they will shut it down in a second if I cross the line. They know me, they know my heart, and often, when I am blinded by my own desires or delusions, they can see me heading towards a train wreck. They won’t prevent me from experiencing life—which includes some heartbreak and failures—but they also won’t just sit idly by without at least a word of warning and probably a screaming chastisement of some sort.

Your true friends aren’t going to be complacent. They’re going to challenge you to be the best version of yourself, and they’re going to call you out when you aren’t—even if it means letting you be angry with them. Cherish these people. They are everything.

12. I would rather have my best friends than 10 Ryan Goslings.

For anyone that knows me, this is a particularly deep statement and sentiment because I love Ryan Gosling. So. Incredibly. Much. But I love my friends more. Having a Ryan Gosling of my own would be a dream come true, but if it meant having to give up the friends that have loved and held me so dearly—my true friends, the ones who are meant to be in my life—it probably isn’t worth it.

13. All of those times that I helped my mother cook in the kitchen have really paid off. Life skill on lock.

14. I still love my favorite boy-bands, and that is okay.

Again, don’t be ashamed of the good things that make you happy. For me, that’s the Jonas Brothers. I will unashamedly blast a JoBros song to my heart’s content. If it makes you happy, the rest of the world can deal.

15. Having extensive knowledge of John Hughes’ films will introduce you to some of the best people in the world.

16. Having extensive knowledge of "The Lord of the Rings" will also introduce you to some of the best people in the world.

And if some boy thinks that he can out-Tolkien you because you’re a girl who likes makeup and "The Notebook," Stephen-Colbert his ass into the fiery pits of Mount Doom.

17. Cooking with your friends is vital to a happy and healthy life. It also creates the best memories.

18. Never, not even once, take for granted the little quiet moments you share with a friend. They will be the light in your darkest hours.

19. Taking a chance is always worth it.

There’s always the fear of failure, but it doesn’t matter. Success and failure are what shape us into the individuals that we are and will become. You aren’t measured by anything that you do not want to be measured by. Take a chance, because regardless of the outcome, you will always carry the lessons that you learned with you. (Just be wise in your choices.)

20. After two decades, it is safe to say that every year will be different. Embrace it.

Growing up is scary, especially for those of us who thrive on a Peter Pan mentality. However, it is also a fantastic and wondrous adventure. You can’t really predict the future, and it is absolutely terrifying to feel out of control as you grow up, but you have to let go and just believe that you will find peace and happiness in everything. Some years will be harder than others. Some years will seem to go faster than others. What really matters is how you spend those years.

My suggestion? Spend them finding inspiration in everything. Spend them breathing and living, not just surviving. Spend them exploring yourself and the world around you. Fall in love with you, fall in love with your friends, fall in love with adventure. Find your purpose and your passion and hurl yourself at them. Don’t give up.