To The Ones I Lost Along The Way,
We lose people in all stages of life.
Losing people is never easy, whether it be to an argument, to a misunderstanding, or... even worse, to no reason at all.
I've always been sensitive. I've always had a hard time letting go. Therefore, loss has always been a big struggle for me. I have always spent hours, days, months, even years agonizing over what I did wrong, what I could have done differently. I wondered, in my room, tears streaming down my face, if I could have been a better friend, if I was too overbearing, if I could have done anything, just anything, to make you stay.
Now that I'm a bit older, I see that loss sometimes is unavoidable. There is nothing that we can do when someone just doesn't want to be in our lives anymore. The people who want to stay, will. The people who want to make time for you, will.
It's not a concept that I was unfamiliar with, per say... it was just a concept I had a hard time accepting.
It is hard to imagine that someone who you invest so much time in, so much love in, doesn't want to be in your life anymore. It makes you want to stop caring, stop loving so fiercely. Many people have done that to me. You have done that to me. You have made me question myself, my values, who I am and what I stand for.
There are days where, even though you have put me through so much pain, I miss you. I come across a photo of us, or I hear a song you used to love on the radio. I drive past a place where we used to go. Someone says something that you would say... and the loss hits me once again. Although I have moved on, my heart still aches for you, for closure, for the bond that we had and that we potentially could still have if you didn't give up on us.
But, then I reflect. I reflect on the idea that, despite how much I miss you, that people aren't meant to stay in our lives forever. People come and go, and they are either there to love you or make you learn. I thank you for leaving, because if you didn't, I wouldn't have learned some of the most valuable life lessons about loss, about love, and about how strong I am as a person.
It's hard for me to see pictures of you on social media, with the friends that you didn't give up on. It is difficult to see you achieving your dreams without me by your side. It is hard for me to know that you made a conscious decision to stop making an effort, despite my genuine love and care for you.
Some of you were my friends. Some of you are my family, and I think that's what even is the most difficult thing. What happened to "family first"? What happened to "friends forever"?
I don't know. I'm sure as anything, you don't know either.
If you ever think about me, and wonder how I'm doing, I'm doing fine.
I have an amazing family, loyal friends, and life is good. I know I'm better than the hurt you have caused me, and I value more than anything the ones I have right now, the ones who have stayed.
Do I still think about you? Of course I do. I wish you the best, even though I wasn't the one who left.
Sincerely,
The person you let go of
