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// At Campbell University

An Open Letter To The Selfish Best Friend

This time, when youre locked in your room  fighting your own demons, I can't and I won't go knocking.

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Dear Selfish Best Friend,

This isnt the first time Ive thought about writing this letter to you. I want you to know how you make me feel and how youre one of the most destructive things in my life.

I think we surround ourselves with people that are damaged, maybe even more damaged than us. Why? So we know that we arent the most messed up person out there.

Did you know that those talks about sexual harassment meant just as much to me as they did to you? Did you know that you arent the only one hiding scars? Did you know that every time I ask you if I look okay, its not just a superficial question? Did you know youre not the only one with a diagnosis? Did you know that every time I get bruises, I have a flashback, too?

Youre not alone. I know you have struggles on a daily basis; I have struggles, too.

Youve never asked about them, though.

It surprises me the way we get to know people, without actually knowing what they stand for, what they believe in, what hurts them, or what excites them. Sure, we know our favorite bands, books, animals, foods, those little things. And sure, we can share jokes and laugh for hours on end, but could we have conversations about our past, our weaknesses, and our fears?

This time, when youre locked in your room fighting your own demons, I can't and I won't go knocking.

I love you, I really do. Ive come to a realization, though. I cant be the person that tries to build you up when youre at your worst and not expect an attempt from you. I might just be being selfish but Ive tried being there for you. You never tried being there for me.

Im tired of being an as needed friend. Im tired of asking "howd your day go," get a one-word response, never be asked about my day, and still call you my best friend. I cant do that anymore. Im tired of meaningless relationships and wasting my time on people that dont put any time into me.

I needed to tell you this. I needed to write this letter and let it all come out. I dont know if youll ever see this. If you ever do, I hope that you see what you did to me. I hope you become more aware of the people around you and that they deserve attention too.

Sincerely,

The Tired Best Friend

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He restores my soul. {Psalm 23:3}

'In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you.' Andrea Dykstra

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