Dear Selfish Best Friend,
This isn’t the first time I’ve thought about writing this letter to you. I want you to know how you make me feel and how you’re one of the most destructive things in my life.
I think we surround ourselves with people that are damaged, maybe even more damaged than us. Why? So we know that we aren’t the most messed up person out there.
Did you know that those talks about sexual harassment meant just as much to me as they did to you? Did you know that you aren’t the only one hiding scars? Did you know that every time I ask you if I look okay, it’s not just a superficial question? Did you know you’re not the only one with a diagnosis? Did you know that every time I get bruises, I have a flashback, too?
You’re not alone. I know you have struggles on a daily basis; I have struggles, too.
You’ve never asked about them, though.
It surprises me the way we get to know people, without actually knowing what they stand for, what they believe in, what hurts them, or what excites them. Sure, we know our favorite bands, books, animals, foods, those little things. And sure, we can share jokes and laugh for hours on end, but could we have conversations about our past, our weaknesses, and our fears?
This time, when you’re locked in your room fighting your own demons, I can't and I won't go knocking.
I love you, I really do. I’ve come to a realization, though. I can’t be the person that tries to build you up when you’re at your worst and not expect an attempt from you. I might just be being selfish but I’ve tried being there for you. You never tried being there for me.
I’m tired of being an ‘as needed’ friend. I’m tired of asking "how’d your day go," get a one-word response, never be asked about my day, and still call you my best friend. I can’t do that anymore. I’m tired of meaningless relationships and wasting my time on people that don’t put any time into me.
I needed to tell you this. I needed to write this letter and let it all come out. I don’t know if you’ll ever see this. If you ever do, I hope that you see what you did to me. I hope you become more aware of the people around you and that they deserve attention too.
Sincerely,
The Tired Best Friend
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He restores my soul. {Psalm 23:3}
