To The Rapist & People Who Stood By Them:
First and foremost, I'd like to tell you, that what you did wasn't just cruel and barbaric, it was downright evil. Secondly, I bet you've already heard everything I have to say to you. I bet you've heard it all, and I bet you've tried to convince yourself that you are different. I assure you, you aren't. When you made the decision to do what you did, you gave up a part of yourself to something disgusting.
I wanted to write this letter because I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine and she started the conversation with the words "The first time I was raped." The first time. That broke my heart. That wasn't the hardest part to hear though, the hardest part to hear was that the more she started talking about what had happened, and how often it happens, the more she started talking about it like rape is a normal thing.
Rape isn't a normal thing. People like you have made it seem like a normal thing. Rape isn't a normal thing. It isn't.
I'd like to tell you that I know there are people who haven't done what you did, but who still try to make excuses for you. I've heard lots of them. Here's a few examples:
"This will only make her stronger!"
If someone wants to be stronger, they can join a gym. Stop expecting rape victims to come out of this stronger. Stop expecting to them to treat this like a blessing in disguise. Let victims process it, deal with it, and recover from it, however they need to. Every one is different, and every one heals differently.
"She didn't really say no!"
Did she really say yes?
"They were flirting all night, she was throwing out mixed signals."
If the lights not green, it's red or yellow, stop your car.
"What was she wearing?"
It's 2016, women should not still have to justify this with an answer. She could've been wearing a beautiful dress or a pair of sweatpants, or flat out nothing, and you still didn't have the right to touch her body like it wasn't something sacred
"He was just confused!"
When people are confused, they look up the answers. They don't seek clarity in other people's bodies.
As you can see, people keep trying to right your wrong. People keep trying to make it not your fault, and I think that's awful. I think you should know that what you did hurt someone. There are hundreds and hundreds of girls who can't sleep at night anymore, who don't feel safe in their own skin, who don't feel like love is something that can be pure anymore, and it is your fault. Does that not bother you? Does is not hurt your heart to know that you might have taken something that can never be given back?
I'd like to tell you that people like you have taken everything, but you haven't. There is still good out there, and I'm going to strive to make sure it is felt.
For those of you wondering what you can do to help, the following are a few helpful sites, statistics, and ways you can help yourself and loved ones stay safe.
This link has a full list of stats about sexual violence in the United States. Like in the two minutes it will take you to read this article, one person living here will experience sexual violence.
The Joyful Heart Foundation is a great way to donate to the victims of rape and domestic violence.
Safe trek is a fantastic app, especially for when walking alone, or in unfamiliar areas. Please download this app. Please.
Please be good to each other.
The last thing I have to say to you, is that for some reason, we live in a society where girls are expected to accept the apologies you half offer. We are expected to be okay with your shortened sentences and slaps on the wrist. We are supposed to call that justice- it isn't. It isn't justice. It isn't okay. It isn't right. I can't explain why people feel the need to defend you. I can't explain why you get lesser punishments. I can't explain why the safety of women is seen as a luxury and not as a right, but I can promise you this: there are a lot of good people out there, people who can see the truth, and people who know that we should be doing more to keep people like you out of our lives. We will not sit back and watch this continue to happen. We can't.
