First of all I have to say thank you. Before I met you I was drowning in a sea of self-loathing and failed attempts at conformity. For so long in my life I got mixed signals from everyone: friends, family, strangers, the media and the other 7 billion people on this planet. I was told to be myself, but then I was made fun of. I was told to be thin, but to have curves. I was told so many things both directly and indirectly that can be summed up by saying “be yourself, just not that way.”

These messages led to years of obsessive eating habits, multiple hair styles, varied clothing styles, and things I really wish I could take back. I was trying so hard before I met you to fit in with people I didn’t even really like. I was broken over someone who was broken over their own past. When you found me, you were my life raft.

Getting up onto the raft was the first step. We still have such a long way to go until we reach the shore. Some days it seems much closer than others, but with you it’s bearable. You told me that I was beautiful, perfect, unique and so many other wonderful things. I accused you of lying, I thought you were saying those things just to play with my heart as it had been played with before. Over time, just as you begin to believe the negative things others tell you, I started to believe in the good things you were telling me.

I thought, and still think, it’s kind of funny. I think everyone is beautiful, I truly do, in their own individual sense. I think personalities shine brighter than outward appearances, and I think the ‘imperfections’ most people hate about themselves makes them who they are. Why couldn’t I see that in myself? Why can’t I see it every day? Probably because I’m trying to compare myself to everyone else, everyone who I think it better. Probably because I’m fighting a constant battle inside of myself. Maybe even because I harp on the past and realize how much kinder I could have been to those around me. Just recently I had an experience where I just looked at everyone in the room around and told them all they were beautiful, and I wasn’t lying, but inside there was a part of me dying to be any one of them.

When I was found by you, I was bruised inside with scars that won’t go away, even with all the time in the world. You were my hope. With you, I have been able to rest, to listen to your kind words, and on good days believe them. I didn’t have a steady person in my life who completely accepted every aspect of myself like you do. To this day, even with my plenty flaws, I catch you looking at me and you’ll say “I’m sorry, I just can’t believe I get to be married to you, you’re so perfect.” I want to cry nearly every time you utter words like those. I never knew what it meant to be fully accepted. I was so scared to open up about my past because like it or not, I made some huge mistakes with how I treated people and it eats me on the inside even now. You didn’t think less of me, instead you said it was okay, that I was different now. I am different now.

I am no longer afraid to look in the mirror. I don’t have to put on a thousand outfits before I settle on clothes that will hide me. Instead, I am beginning to embrace myself. You’ve encouraged me to go after my dreams, even if that means we have to make sacrifices for the time being, because you think we deserve a better future, with each other. Every day I wonder what I ever did to deserve you and your unconditional love. Every night when I pray, I thank God for you.

You have been and continue to be such a blessing to me, a blessing I don’t think I’ll ever deserve. I guess that’s how life works though; broken people are found, and with that person they begin to recover. Since we started talking I’ve had this light inside of me that I thought went out. Thank you for inspiring me, for encouraging me to keep moving forward, and for reminding me how resilient I am.

Thank you for allowing me to be comfortable with who I am, no strings attached. Some days are still hard, but I haven’t gotten close to that spot in the sea since you came into my life. Thank you for fighting my battles with me, even if you can’t see the opposing side. Thank you for listening to me cry about things that happened ten years ago and not telling me to just forget about it. Thank you for making me have reasons to be excited for the future.

I love you, M3rcyyyy.