To the person who loves me,
I know how hard it is to love me, especially when I’m being difficult because my mind is going a thousand miles a minute and nothing you say will make me calm down. I know it’s hard to love me when every five minutes, I’m asking you if you still like me, or why you like me, or how you put up with me. I know it’s hard to love me when I spill all of my stupid problems on you, which probably don’t seem important to you at all.
But I want to thank you for loving me despite all of that. I don’t know how you do it, but you do. You always make me feel better, even if I can’t express it until much later because I’m neck-deep in an anxiety attack. You will never understand what your endless love means to me. You don’t know how you make my day a million times better when you talk to me, or how you make me feel OK when you tell me that my problems aren’t as stupid as I know they must sound. I honestly have no idea what I would do without you.
I also want to say I’m sorry. I know that you hate when I say that, but please -- hear me out. For once, I’m not going to apologize for being “broken,” or for being a “burden.” I’m going to apologize because, sometimes, I don’t take into account what I put on you when I drown you with my problems and don’t ask how you’re doing. I’m saying I’m sorry because, no matter how hard I may try, I just can’t express how much you mean to me and how much I love you. I’m not sorry that I have anxiety. I’m sorry that sometimes you’re the only way I can cope with it.
Lastly, I want to tell you that I love you, more than words can express. I love the way that you tell me all of the things you love about me and all of the things that make me strong when I can only think and talk about my flaws. I love the way that you tell me my anxiety makes me a more loving, caring, empathetic person, because I can never seem to view it that way. I love the way you make me feel like I’m wanted, like I’m needed, like I’m loved, because my brain is constantly telling me otherwise. I love you, not only for putting up with me, but for loving me back.
I know that it can’t be easy, watching someone you love overthink and freak herself out. I know that you often don’t know what to say to make me feel better. I know that you often feel powerless when I’m in a state of panic. But I promise you, you are my hero, and I can never repay you for saving me.
Love always,
Me
