Dear Fellow Survivor,
You are not alone. You are not the cause. You are not to blame. You are strong and worth more than what you think you are. You are beautiful. You are capable of anything you put your mind to. You are incredibly resilient. If anyone tells you otherwise, I hope you know they are wrong.
The feelings associated with being violated are like no other. There is no word for the way you feel after someone takes your sense of security away, but vulnerable is a good starting point. And while you probably still feel vulnerable regardless of how long ago the violating event took place, I can tell you that the feeling lessens over time. It seems impossible to withstand sometimes. That's okay. Validate your feelings. Allow yourself to feel pain, but be sure to look for replacements for the pain: coloring, singing, listening to music, spending more time with people who are important to you, journaling, watching a movie, eating your favorite food-- whatever appeals to you, do it. When you feel like giving up, when you feel worthless, when you feel like you are alone, give yourself a few minutes to cry if you need to. But then grab a tissue, dry your face, pick your head up, and keep going. Smile. Look in the mirror and smile. Your "old" self is still in there, believe it or not. Fight for her or for him. Fight to bring them back 'cause let's face it: if you don't, no one else will.
On days you feel like you could have done something differently to change the outcome, think about reality: you can't fix someone who is only after control and power. You can't stop them from manipulating people. Violators are not your responsibility. You had no influence on their decision. Your outfit, your makeup, your choice to drink, the party you were at... none of those things are the reason you were violated. You were violated because a troubled individual is obsessed with having control over others, and you were his target of choice. In short, none of this could be your fault.
I hope these reminders help you in some way. I am so sorry that you, too, are having to deal with so many emotions. Remind yourself everyday that you are loved and valued. Soon, you will notice small changes that indicate growth and strength. Soon, you will no longer feel suffocated by the flashbacks or nightmares. Soon, you will regain your grounding and stand taller than you ever did before. I believe in you. Keep chugging along, dear friend, for the dark days will soon be over.
Sincerely,
A Girl Who Knows What It's Like To Be Violated