An Open Letter To My Mom As We Go Through Senior Year

Dear Mom,

You know that I love you. You know that my world would not be the same without you. I know that this year is going to be hard for the both of us. I first realized the notable emotional difference during the summer before my last year in high school. Sitting in the doctor's office, we heard a toddler tell the pediatrician his shoe size: four. In any other given year of my life, you wouldn't have blinked, but something changed.

All of a sudden, you saw me in that little boy, and it hurt, because I will never have a size four shoe again. I won't be a cute 7-year-old, carefree and squealing in delight at the ladybug I hold in my palm. I won't need help getting ready in the morning. I don't need so many of the things that I did when I was a child. But as we sat in that disinfected room, and your eyes started to get teary, we laughed about the ridiculousness of the situation. I admit, I was a tad freaked out. I mean, seeing your mom cry is never something you want to experience, and now, you were getting emotional over a toddler’s shoe size (a kid whose face we never even saw, by the way). It was alarming, to say the least.

Since senior year kicked off in early August, several moments have crossed our paths: from cleaning out my closet to getting my last formal picture for the yearbook. Every time it happens, I find myself pausing to think, “Wow, she’s going to be such a mess in May.” But here’s the thing mom, I’m going to be a mess too. I’m going to be an anxious basket case because you’re my mom. I may not need your help with my homework, with cooking dinner or with tying my shoes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need you.

You have offered me more comfort and love than I have ever thought possible. You’ve been there when I fought with my best friend, and you’ve been there when I fought with you. And I’ve bickered with you a lot. For some reason, I’ve been lucky enough to be born into this world with you as my mother. I don’t deserve all the love you’ve given me, and I honestly don’t know how you've put up with the trying times I’ve given you. If there was ever an example of the goodness that can come from humanity, you are it.

This letter has arrived way too late in our relationship, but still, I want you to know that I am beyond grateful for the life you’ve given me. Senior year is hard. A chapter of our life is coming to an end, and our relationship is changing. However, as many tears and arguments have and will continue to transpire, I want you to know that I have and will always love you.

Love,

Caela