To The Girl Who Never Feels Good Enough

First of all: you are not alone.

If you're the girl who looks in the mirror and hates what she sees, or you always think everyone in your life hates you, or you think you'll never make anyone happy or you're not worth it or you'll never amount to anything and you sit alone in your room honest to god questioning why any of this is worth a damn: you are not alone and you are so loved.

I know this may seem hard to grasp or extremely hypocritical because something you should know about me is that I struggle a lot with how I feel about myself. Meaning, I'm really good at helping people learn that they are amazing and beautiful and perfect just how you are but I'm unable to take my own advice. I can't even tell you why, I've been labelled as "self-destructive" so that might have something to do with it, or I just hate seeing others in pain so I try to help them because I know what it's like to be in pain and no one deserves that.

The hardest part about never feeling good enough is that you constantly doubt yourself. You have absolutely no faith in yourself because you have to question every single move you make because god forbid you make a mistake. You try so hard to be perfect so that others will approve of you and you seek others' validation of you so that for once, you can know you're doing okay. Now, I'm not going to tell you that seeking this validation is bad, because it's not. Sometimes, when the world feels so heavy and loud and it just won't shut up and you feel like you're a failure and that you don't want to exist anymore, you deserve to have someone to hold you and tell you that it's okay. But, people aren't always reliable. Someone you thought would take a bullet for you is really the one behind the trigger, and you need to be your own savior. You have to hold yourself as your sobbing in your shower at 3am because god it hurts so much to be alive and you have convinced yourself that the world is better off without you. You're the one who needs to pick yourself up and remind yourself that everything will be okay, and you can't just say it, you need to believe it. But something you have to know and accept with your entire being is that everyone makes mistakes and that's normal. You aren't broken for making one mistake, learn to give yourself a break. You don't deserve to be so hard on yourself.

When you don't think that you're good enough, it's really easy to think that everyone around you doesn't think you are either. And that's a really sucky feeling. And it's even worse when you're used to people abandoning you. When your best friend leaves you on read after you've told her you had to call a suicide hotline because the world got so loud and another close friend blamed you for being really hurt by some ass in high school and keeps trying to get in your boyfriend's pants and someone you became close with rarely talks to you anymore-- it's easy to feel like no one is there for you. And it's awful because you assume that everyone you cross paths with will hurt you. You'll never be able to fully trust your significant other. You'll never understand them when they say they won't hurt you because everyone has hurt you so why are they different? Please: learn to trust these people. These people are literal angels and they mean it when they say they won't hurt you and that they think you're more than enough. Hold them close and never let them go.

You will never be pretty like her. You will never be that picture perfect plastic photo-shopped model in that magazine. You have something so much better. You may not have her body, but you have yours. Your skin may not be flawless, but you are beautiful. Every single part of you is beautiful, so please, stop looking in that mirror and hating yourself. Stop comparing yourself to everyone around you, because you'll only make yourself miserable. Learn to look in the mirror and say, "I'm doing my best. This is my body. It is beautiful, because it is a part of me, and I am beautiful." Recite this until you know it to be true, because it is.

You are enough. You always have been and you always will be. I love you and I hope you learn to love yourself and trust yourself and others more. It's a daily battle, and I still need to work on a lot of these things, but never stop trying. You are amazing and you are doing your best and that's admirable. Never lose hope, and always remind yourself that you are enough.

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