To the girl who is no longer at my side, “I did not have the heart, the strength to say, that I miss you when you're gone.”

I could tell you everything about who we were. I could tell you everything I never said. The way I admired you when you finally let yourself be who you were. You were my everything, and I am sorry I walked away. At that time in my life, I was so wrong. I thought I was doing what was best for all of us. To the girl who is no longer by my side, I remember the nights we danced in your kitchen and sang to one another. I remember watching scary movies together and you telling me when the scary part was over. I remember spending the night in your basement. We both believed there was a ghost down there. I still bet there is. I remember coming over with Starbucks when I needed you the most. I always needed you. I told you I never needed you, but I was so wrong.

To the girl who is no longer at my side, please come back. I don't want this to be a pity party, I want you to just understand. There were some times I wanted to strangle you, but you know I would never want anything bad to happen to you. You came like the wind, sometimes your feelings were rough and strong, and sometimes there was nothing at all.

When it was just us there were no phones, nothing but just two souls; I could always feel the connection. You were a comforting person. You brought happiness, but it was a different type. It felt like you lived within me. When I met you, you were simply sunshine. Four years later, I bet you're still the same way.

When I met you, I can recall the exact conversation that sparked our connection. You sat to the right of me, and we talked about your horse, Romeo. You would talk about your dreams and ambitions late at night. And I listened until I understood everything that I could.

For the longest time I felt I knew you in another life. But now I know that I did not, I thought that because you lived within me. When I was with you, I felt, adronitis. I felt frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone.

You still remind me of rückkehrunruhe, the feeling of returning home after an immersive trip only to find it fading rapidly from your awareness. Being around you is like being on vacation, you feel like you can do almost anything. But when I left you,I had a homesick feeling. You're like the aftertaste of coffee. I can still taste you in my mouth, you're still there. To the girl who is no longer by my side, I will always need you.