Dear You,

Seven years is a pretty substantial part of my life when you consider the fact that I am only 19 years old. Seven years is a substantial amount of time for you; he who claims that his time is the most important thing he could give someone. Seven years is a substantial amount of time for you to completely change my life for better and maybe worse.

Let me start at the beginning. Young and naive Brianna, look at how much things have changed, I was so intrigued by you. I have always been someone who got along with people who were much older than me and it was no surprise that it was the same with you but this was different. Once we started talking to each other things just seemed to be so easy with you. You understood me and that, to this day, is not something I can say about many people.

Fast forward about two years, wow we had a rough patch, was it luck or fate that I turned around when I did just to see you about to leave? I had a new life completely, new friends, a boyfriend, I had grown up. I never forgot about you though and when you came back I never expected what was to come. I don't need to tell you but for everyone else's sake I will say that I fell hard and I fell fast. I was head over heels and in so far over my head I didn't even see it coming and my life changed even more. Eventually my boyfriend and I broke up; would we still be together if I hadn't fallen for you? I don't know but that really is not important except that after him and I broke up you and I spent much more time together.

Where are we now? Senior year? That summer holds some of my most important memories. You made me see things in myself I would have never even looked for without you. I honestly will never be able to thank you enough for what you gave me this summer. It seemed like a lifetime worth of memories and emotions and adventure and friendship and so much more that I wish I could say but I don't have the words too. My self-confidence got better, my body image wasn't down the drain, I was genuinely happy and things were going so well in my life as a whole; senior year was the same until the end that is.

I learned the hard way to never expect promises from you, or anyone, to be kept. You kept most of them but the ones you didn't keep were the ones that I needed you to. The things you didn't keep your word on are the things that you really should have. I will never forget that night either; we went on a drive like we always did, we got Starbucks like we always did, we drove the the same roads that we had made so many great memories on. Not tonight.

I remember one thing going through my head: "What about what you owe me?"

You have seen me cry so many times over so many things but you had never seen me cry that much or be that heart broken, I know that for a fact. I still remember the last thing I said to you that night too. I remember the way you hugged me, I remember the heat of your lips on my forehead, I remember how the night chill felt on my face where my tears had been, I remember the sound of your car door closing, I remember how your taillights looked as you drove away, and I remember how cold the sidewalk was where I sat down and cried after you left.

I spiraled. I was up late at night to upset to sleep, so much so that I woke my dad up a few times. I was not eating very much, just yogurt and rice really, and even then I still fell into an eating disorder. I was on edge all the time and my parents and teachers were worried about my weight.

You had done the one thing you promised me you would never do again. You left.

Again I changed and I thought I was doing better but I wasn't. I missed you and I hated that I had lost my best friend again. To be honest I don't know who reached out first but we got in touch again and just like the first time it was like nothing had changed...a little less romantic but still the same...I had my best friend back.

But maybe I spoke to soon.

Things were always rocky, it was hard to make plans and a lot of the time it was hard to even get ahold of you. Sometimes we would talk for days in a row and then not talk. We hung out but even that became less and less. Then nothing. I started struggling and needed a friend and I couldn't get ahold of you at all. Ignored is exactly how I feel. Hurt and ignored. It is how I still feel quite honestly.

I've lost you again it seems.

I am looking up though. I don't know where I am going but I know where I have been and I want to thank you. After the good, the bad, and the ugly, the pain, the joy, the tears, and the laughs I have become the person I am. I still have an eating disorder and it is a challenge every day, I still miss you and the memories but you did give me some of the best memories and you gave me some of the worst pain. Im not afraid to say I love you because loving you has made me who I am and I love that flaws and all.

Part of me would like to thank you while part of me would like to say screw you; but, all of me knows that huge things are coming for me and when I do big things in this world I can look back and tell you that you had your chance and you should have taken it.

I hope that when we see each other we smile and say hi and catch up. I hope that you call out of the blue to see how I am. I hope that things still make you think of me like things make me think of you. I hope you remember all the amazing things about yourself that I see. I hope you remember all of the memories we made with each other. I hope you remember that you're always going to be special to me, I couldn't change that even if I wanted to.

Most of all I want you to know that I do have strong legs that will carry me far and I do have convictions that will keep me on the path that was made for me and that I keep that in my mind everyday.

Sincerely,

The girl who will always be there no matter what our past was.