Yes, YOU! You know who you are. You know what you’ve done and I’ve come to the realization that I’m DONE with YOU.
Don’t get me wrong, our time together was fantastic; however, the constant, nagging second-guessing is not for me anymore. I don’t trust you and I never have. There was just something about you that immediately seemed dishonest. I don’t know if it was because you never truly wanted to get to know me or allow me to know you. Maybe it was the fact that the late-night messages just kept coming and I started catching on.
I’m far from stupid and understand a player and the games played. I know because I’ve done it.
But I understand that the game of a “player” comes from a deep insecurity of feeling that you’re not good enough. That you could never love someone or be loved in return. That your flaws or past won’t make the cut.
I get it because I feel it.
I don’t know who told you otherwise, but they were/are clearly wrong. You are lovable and have a contagious smile and laugh that brightens the day of those who see it. Your wit, sarcasm, and thrill of adventure is something that you should never change because its spontaneous and keeps things interesting. Your intelligence and love for life is something that people are always looking for in another. I forgot to mention your love for those in your life and selfless nature is something I have always admired.
Your passion for helping and perfectionism is quite a stressful ride, but it’s only because you give it your all. You want to do your best and you want to be there for those you love. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. In fact, we need more kind and considerate people in this world who give a shit (pardon my language).
Sure, you’ve made mistakes, but join the club. No one said that commitments were easy and everything is going to be rainbows and butterflies, but how are you ever going to know until you do?
The fear of heartbreak prevents you from getting too close to anything that is worthwhile. When it comes to a commitment you simply state that you can barely commit to the clothes you wear. I get it, dressing up is a hard thing to do when all you want is to slumber in your pajamas all day. So you like to change your clothes, who doesn’t? That doesn’t mean you can’t make a commitment.
Change is good and this is the time of your life where a lot of changes are going to happen, so embrace it. So, why don’t we embrace another change that we both know would come eventually? You’ve never taken me seriously or shown that I’m worth it to you, so it’s my turn to state that you’re not worth it anymore.
I’m done with the games, the late-night snaps, the “I really like you, but we would never work out…”
I’m done with feeling ashamed or that I am walking on shattered glass. I have allowed you to take complete control over my emotions and especially my hope that maybe, just maybe one day you would open your eyes and put your superficial “deal breakers” away and see what’s standing in front of you:
A beautiful soul who just wants to live life and enjoy it with the people around her. A girl who has a past, a work-in-progress present, and an amazing future ahead of her. A girl who demands to be seen for who she is: a loving, passionate, and determined woman who will do great things with or without you.
The choice is yours. The ball is in your court; however, the clock is ticking…
The time for change is NOW and I’m not wasting another moment stuck in “what does this mean?” I choose ME, a new and re-defined ME. A ME that is going to some pretty awesome things in this world.
So, here’s to YOU, old self. It’s been a fun ride filled with lots of lessons and I appreciate each and every one of them. But it’s time to move on, it’s time to change. I wish you nothing but the best as you meander your way as my past.
Here’s to societal masks and expectations. Here’s to coming to the realization of the superficiality of this forsaken world. The unwanted anxiety of having to be someone I’m not, simply to please those around me. The crippling thoughts that come and go as they please.
I’m DONE with you and all that you have made me to be. So, here’s to ME. Here’s to the future—to figuring things out and becoming the ME I desire to be!