To my beloved friend,
In a few weeks it will be six months since the day you passed away. I know I'll never forget seeing my phone light up with my mom's call and the knowing sense of dread that came with it. I feel so lucky to have been able to see you and spend quality time with you before that night and I know many people don't get that opportunity. I will never forget the way your hand felt in mine on the last night I spent with you. I will always remember that even when you weren't feeling well, you were concerned about what was going on with me. Even on your worst days you would be so caring about how everyone else's days were going. I miss your smile and I miss the pure joy that you would fill a room with.
I have always been one to try and find the positives in any given situation, but I struggle to find positives here. I reminisce on the good memories we had and the laughs we shared, but whenever I think of your illness the recurring thought is "it isn't fair." It's not fair. Life isn't fair. I can say that over and over a million times, but it doesn't change the way I feel. When I got the phone call with the heartbreaking news from my mom I told her that you should be back at school. You should've been reuniting with your friends that you missed over winter break and planning your classes for the next semester. Life isn't fair. We talked about you going to New York City one day and us sitting on the floor of Grand Central Station while we ate cheesecake. You had been so looking forward to your family's trip to Hawaii and told me all about your surfing lessons and luau you were supposed to do. Life just isn't fair. You never showed any anger about this. You had accepted this as God's plan and his way of working through you and your spirit never wavered. In the midst of your battle you gave your testimony in order to show everyone else God's power.
I know that all of us who love you, miss you so much. Nothing will ever be able to fully heal the heartbreak we feel, but when I get sad, I think about how upset you would be for wasting my energy being sad over you. I know how much you hated attention and that you didn't like to make things about yourself and we laughed about this many times. You had the most caring and loving heart that I've ever seen in anyone. I have a hard time being sad when I look at how much of a positive impact you had on everyone's life that you were in. I learned so much from you that I will never be able to repay you for. Thank you for helping me to appreciate the life I have been given. Thank you for showing me that you can always find happiness and positivity. Most importantly, thank you for being my friend.
