Dear Dad,
I’m done holding in all of the anger that you left me with five and a half years ago. I want you to know that there are some things I will never be able to forgive you for. I will never forgive you for turning into someone I grew to hate, someone I was always afraid of, regardless of how many times you try to apologize. I never expected much from you when I was younger, but I never expected you to take my childhood away from me and leave me with no choice, but to grow up long before I should have had to. Because of you, I walked around for four years thinking I wasn’t good enough, wondering what I did for you to stop loving me. I know now that I was never the problem. It was you. You tried to come back into my life, giving me presents for my birthdays and for Christmas, but what you fail to realize is that being a dad requires presence, not presents. I tried so hard to let you back in, but I couldn’t do it. Because of you, I built up a wall that not many people have been able to break through because you showed me that people couldn’t be trusted. I’ve been so scared of getting hurt again that I push people away when they get too close, but I learned that not everyone will break me the way you did. I know that you will always be my father, but I want you to know that you’re the reason why I will never know what it’s like to have a dad. When I pop off at you when you try to talk to me and you say that I’m just like my mother, remember that she’s the one who stuck around. Remember that she didn’t abandon me like you did, so how could I not be like her? I’d rather be like my mom than turn into someone like you.
Regardless of it all, I want to thank you for leaving. I want you to know that I don’t hate you anymore. I don’t even get angry when you cross my mind because I know that I grew when you failed. Even though you will never know just how much damage you left behind, I can guarantee that you will know how strong I am because of it. I turned into an independent young woman. A college student who doesn’t hold back. A girl who speaks her mind and loves with everything she has. I became a student leader. I did it all without you and I’m not going to stop here. You are missing out on something spectacular and one day you’re going to realize that. I hope your new life was worth the sacrifice.
So thank you, dad, for not being here. Look at where your absence in my life lead me.
-Your Daughter
