Dear Father,

I know that you think it is ok for you to come stumbling back into my life after 19 long years. You probably think that I will welcome you back into my life since you have been gone for so long, but you are wrong.

You left me when I was just a baby. You left me all alone with no reason or foundation behind what you did. You made mom suffer and you made me suffer. I grew up trying to understand what had happened. What made you leave me and mom? No girl should have to grow up without her dad. I had to miss the daddy-daughter dances, there were no daddy-daughter dates and I didn't have a dad to tell my boyfriend about, saying that he better not hurt daddy's little girl (which he did, by the way).

For years I wondered what I did wrong to make you leave. I continuously told myself for 14 years of my life that I was the cause of all of this. That even though I was barely a year old when you left, I was the cause. Crazy, right?

Crazy that I blamed my 1-year-old self for you leaving your family. But dad, the longer I blamed myself, the more I started to realize that maybe this was a blessing in disguise. When I stopped blaming myself for all of the pain that my mom and I went through, I began to understand that I wasn't the one at fault, mom wasn't the one at fault: you were the one at fault.

I used the pain that you instilled in me to make the best version of myself. I began to think less about the little things and I tried to make something of myself, instead. Instead of turning to drugs and alcohol to cope with my pain, I turned to soccer.

I became goalie of the year for my premier soccer team with my mom standing on the sidelines cheering me on at every game. I won employee of the month four months in a row at work, and I received a promotion. While doing all of this, I also got inducted into the National Honor Society and now I go to the university of my dreams.

Because of you, I accomplished more than I ever thought was imaginable. Because of you, I have become an independent, hardworking and outgoing teenage girl. Because of you, I will accomplish all of my dreams, goals, and ambitions.

You know dad, sometimes I still wonder what it would be like if you never left. I wonder how you are and I wonder if you feel the same pain I felt when you left. I wonder if you feel guilty when you see pictures of me growing up because you could of been there too. But when I think about all of this, instead of wanting to scream and yell at you, I want to say thank you.

Thank you for helping me become the person that I am today. Even though you filled my life with pain and misery for all of those years, I have come out of this experience as a bigger, better individual with so much ahead of me.

Thank you for helping me become me.