Well, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you, mostly because I’ve avoided you. I know we’ve had our differences, but I sincerely hope that you’re doing well. I know I am. I’m in a better state of mind now. I’ve gained self acceptance, embraced my flaws, and have made changes in my life to make myself happier and more confident in my own skin. You probably wouldn’t even recognize me now. I’m far different from that fragile child you used to torment and verbally push around like a rag doll. Today, I’m a strong adult. The trouble you caused me still lingers deep down in my soul and your hurtful words occasionally slither their way into my brain on those days when I’m feeling down, but I’ve learned to turn them into fuel and motivators. This letter is not written to guilt you or to smite you. I’m actually here to thank you.
Throughout my childhood, I fought off that same demon presented in different human bodies. In elementary school, you were blatant. “You’re too ugly to play with us”, “I don’t like that you’re different from me”, and “you’re too weird” were the words that would haunt my thoughts. I remember the exact moment my self confidence received its first knock down. You were the one to do it. You told me I was ugly, and I never forgot it. I ran to my mom and asked her what to do and she taught me to stand up for myself. You made me stronger.
In middle school, you were less obvious. “Why can’t you get a boyfriend?”, “you suck at sports”, “your jokes aren’t funny”, and "you'll never be popular" were the words you spat in my face. You were the bully who aimed at my character. You were far less frequent, less rude and slightly less hurtful than the elementary school bully, but I”ll still never forget your taunting words. I had my friends to back me up, who helped me realize that my personality is cherished and appreciated by those who love me. You made me stronger.
In high school, you were close to me and you were sneaky. You were a friend, club member or ex-boyfriend. You said to my face that I looked pretty and turned behind my back and said I was ugly. You complimented my outfit but told others I was trying too hard. You claimed to love how I was loyal and then told your friends that I was smothering you. You told me I was your friend and then turned around and slandered my name. When I discovered your true intentions, I was shocked and devastated because I trusted you. Not only were strangers and acquaintances judging me, so was someone that I imagined would never betray me. After you, I surrounded myself with loving people who genuinely cared for me. You still ran your mouth and I still heard about it, but I slowly learned to ignore your malicious words and realize my self worth. You made me stronger.
Despite this, I forgive you. Your attacks may have hurt me and brought me down, but in the end they made me stronger. You would poke at my worst insecurities, but I’ve come to terms with those now. Thank you for teaching me to love myself and to ignore the hateful words that could and will come my way throughout the rest of my life. Just know that any changes that I’ve made to my life, though they may have been inspired by your bullying, were not done for you. Every decision I’ve made to get myself where I am today was to become the best version of myself and grow into a person that I am proud of.
If you only learn one thing from this letter, I hope that you learn that even the worst thunderstorm will be followed by sunshine. You are human too, so I’m sure you have had something bother you in your past as much as you used to bother me. I hope that you know that whatever that is, will make you stronger. If you aren’t already, one day you’ll see joy like I am now. I thank you for being a stepping stone on my journey of life. Even though you hurt me at the time, if you had never come around I would not be the person I am today. I’m not looking for an apology from you or for pity from others. I simply want to let you know that I forgive you, no matter whether you care or not. You may not even remember me, but I will always remember you. You’re the fire beneath my feet that motivates me to fight my stereotypes and achieve what nobody thinks is possible of me. I thank my lucky stars that you decided to give me hell back then because now I’m climbing towards the top, and when I get there all I’ll have to say is “look at me now”.
