Growing up this day and age is hard enough, but when you have an alcoholic parent, it makes things that much harder. When the person who is supposed to be your role model, teach you things and be your cheerleader in life is incapable of doing so; it is easy to feel lost. I hope this letter puts you a little at ease and makes you realize that you are not alone. You don’t have to suffer in silence. I wish I had had someone to tell me that it’s okay.
I know when someone you love chooses alcohol over you again and again, it feels as if you are the reason they drink. Your thoughts consume you and you rack your brain wondering what you did wrong. Why are you not good enough to stay sober for? Well, I am here to tell you that it is NOT your fault. You are not the reason, you did not make this happen, and unfortunately you can’t fix it. Please don’t go through life blaming yourself for your parent’s actions.
You are so LOVED, even when you feel more alone than ever. Your parent loves you so much, they just might not be able to show it in the way that you are so longing for. When you are feeling unloved and lost, lean on the people that you can count on. Think about the other people in your life that care for you, and would do anything for you. Hold onto them, reach out to them. Please don’t close yourself off from the world. You deserve to enjoy life and feel loved.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. When you are not feeling loved or supported I know that it can be easy to criticize yourself, and hard to love yourself. You may think you are flawed, unlovable, even worthless. Please know that you are perfect and beautiful just the way you are. You are NOT worthless. There is nothing wrong with you, and you should take time to think about all of the qualities that you love about yourself.
There will be a time when someone comes into your life that wants to show you compassion, and what love truly is. Please let them in. I know you’ve been hurt. I know trust is hard to come by in your world. It is normal to want to guard your heart against more hurt, but there are good people in this world. Not everyone will hurt you and if you find that one person who can brighten your days and show you the love that you so much deserve, I promise you it will be worth it.
Take care of yourself. You are probably used to taking care of your parent and everyone around you. You feel it is your duty to make sure everyone is okay and happy. You had to grow up early and be the responsible one. Although it is not a bad thing to be responsible, please make sure that you think about yourself first and foremost. It is not your job to take care of everyone. Make sure that you are staying healthy and taking time for yourself. Spend a few hours by yourself and do something that you enjoy and that makes you happy; that hobby that you are passionate about or that concert you’ve been dying to go to with the music that has saved you countless times.
Don’t feel ashamed about where you come from. When you have a loved one with an alcohol addiction, you want to keep that a secret. You don’t want anyone to know about what happens in your home. Please don’t be embarrassed by your life. You did not choose the circumstances given to you and it is not your fault. I guarantee that anyone that finds out about your secret will be understanding and supportive.
Words hurt. The bad thing about alcohol is that it makes people say things that they normally would not sober. I know that the words you hear from someone under the influence can hurt you beyond belief. You are shocked and wonder how someone whom you love so much can say such terrible things to you. Please know that it is just the evil alcohol talking and that the person doesn’t truly mean it. Don’t let those words get to your head and certainly do not believe those words. You are so worthy of life, love, and happiness.
It is okay to still love your parent. No matter how many times you get let down and hurt, they are still your parent. You should love them and want what is best for them. I know they love you. You will always long for their comfort and attention, but please don’t count on it. Until they get help and stay sober, they will continue to break promises and let you down no matter if they want to or not. It is okay to love them from a distance if need be. Do what is best for you and your health.
And lastly, you are NOT alone. I feel for you and know that you feel as though no one understands. I promise you, that is not the case. There are so many people that will listen to you, be there for you, and maybe even relate to you. Please do not suffer alone. Talk to a friend, a teacher, a family member, a coach.
You are loved, you are cherished, you are worthy, you are strong, and you WILL get through this.
Sincerely,
Someone who understands.
