Dear Cancer,

I know that I should hate you, and for a while I did. I hated you for making me weak and unable to keep up with everyone my age. I resented you for taking away the things that I felt I had a right to keep: a full head of hair, the shape of my face, hearing in both of my ears. I detested you because I missed out on years of school and so many memories I could have made, as spending all of that time in the hospital equates to months I will never get back. I despised you for giving me an identity I did not ask for and disabling people from associating me with anything other than you. I loathed you for inflicting an impending fear on me every time I went to a doctor’s appointment, a fear that this will all happen again. But most of all, I hated you for the pain you have caused my family and friends, and for taking many loved ones away from me. Despite all of that though, I want to say thank you.

Thank you for making me more self aware than many people I know. I am an expert on my own body and what it can do. I know when I am not feeling well and how to care for myself mentally and physically. I have spent enough time with myself to know how I think, what I fear, and what makes me happy. Because of you I learned that people are going to underestimate me and that I have to continue to persevere to prove them wrong. I have figured out how hard to push myself before I have to ask for help, and that doing so does not mean I have failed or that I can’t do it on my own.

Thank you for giving me such a different perspective on life. When I think about where I was before and how things could be, I realize that the test I have to study for or the disagreement I just had with someone really is not as awful as it may seem. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring for me, so I really had to learn to live for this very moment and appreciate everything I can do. Thanks to you, I feel like I can relate to other people very well. I have a good sense of empathy and a drive to understand and help others.

Thank you for showing me who my true friends and family are. Some people will not stick around for the hard stuff. I have developed the mentality that those people do not deserve to be in my life and that I only have the time and energy for positive people, who are there for me unconditionally. I have also met many amazing people because of you that I would not have otherwise, and for that I am so grateful. You gave me the opportunity to spend seven summers at a sleepaway camp for children with cancer. At camp I met some of my best friends who are so strong and make me a better person.

Thank you for never letting me take anything for granted. So many people in my shoes do not have the chance at the life I have. I am in college, I can move without restriction, I can even ride horses and do so many other things I love. You taught me that there is truly a positive aspect to every situation and if nothing else, it is a learning experience. I am so blessed to live the life that I do and I can recognize my privileges and feel ultimate gratitude.

Thank you for instilling so much strength in me. Through every relapse, bully, and physical and mental effect that cancer has given me, I have been resilient. I know that because I have fought you I can probably fight anything. You are part of me, but you do not define me. All of my qualities, accomplishments, and experiences are not because of you, but in spite of you.

So to the biggest monster I will ever encounter, thank you.

Sincerely,

A survivor