First off, I’d like to say thank you. Thank you for teaching me that I trust way too easily. Thank you for teaching me that not everybody has the same heart as I do, and thank you for making me think a little more before calling someone a friend. You were supposed to be my friend, one of the best actually. I had heard the rumors about the things you had done to other girls but I didn’t believe them, because I knew you better than that--or at least I thought I did. You could never force yourself upon someone, not my friend. At a point I truly considered you one of my best friends because we spoke every day and you were one of the first people I wanted to go to when something exciting happened. I guess that was my fault, for trusting a person that so clearly did not deserve to be trusted.
Everything had gone wrong that beautiful spring night. I was left stranded at Citi Field and I was in a constant fight with my boyfriend. All I needed was my best friend to pick me up and make everything okay again. Little did I know that was only the beginning. I’ve tried to block out all of the memories and images of that night out of my head as much as possible, but how are you supposed to just forget the night that changed my life forever? You took advantage and you know it. Right after it happened you thought nothing of it, and texted me for days asking if I was mad at you. Was I mad at you? What best friend takes advantage of someone who is vulnerable and fragile? It is so scary to think you could hurt someone because you claimed you were “tired”. You were tired so you forced yourself on top of me? It just doesn’t make sense to me but I think that’s where the problem lays. Four years later I am still replaying everything over and over again trying to make sense of what had happened. Questioning everything. Maybe if I wasn’t fighting with my boyfriend none of this would’ve ever happened. At first, I thought that maybe all of this was my fault. Maybe if I wasn’t so emotional and vulnerable I could’ve easily avoided this sticky situation. But lately I’ve realized that you are not the victim. You sexually assaulted me and I will never forgive you. You have an older sister and I would love to know how you’d feel if someone did to her what you did to me.
I have no more words left for you, but I would like to say this: you did not break me. You will never break me because I am a lot stronger than you thought I was. You were winning the battle because at first you were all I could think about. For a long time, I blamed myself for letting you in and I thought that maybe I was the one who led you on. But that wasn’t true at all. You did this because you are a sick, twisted person who wanted to be in control. Lastly, I’d like to say that I hope you think about me. I hope you think about what you did. It makes you sick that you could hurt someone the way you hurt me. I hope it kills you inside to know that I’m doing great. You may have won the battle, but I won the war.
