As we roll around to the month of November, we have constants. Pumpkin spice latte’s, Sunday football, oversized sweaters. Different colored leaves and comfort food. On top of this, it’s also a round of college decisions. You probably have this idea of college in your head, that it’s the best four years. What it looks like to be part of a sorority, covered in glitter holding up wooden Greek letters on the lawn while being carried home by your “sisters.” Or a football stadium on a Saturday, screaming crowd and spirited Instagram’s of the game or tailgating all day. You want this to be you- every aspect of it. It’s everything you’ve envisioned your life to be- whether you had the picture perfect high school experience or not. Maybe you loved it, and you’re ready for something more- maybe you hated it, and want a fresh start.

You’re walking around your dream school’s campus- everything about it is appealing to you. The people, location, program, size. you feel at home. It’s where you believe you can become the best version of yourself, and it’s the end all be all if you get in. that feeling, described by thousands is how they found their perfect fit. Their end all be all, their one and only, deciding to apply early.

You’re sitting in front of the computer screen, reviewing your application for the hundredth time (literally), too scared that it’s just not enough. You proofread, proofread, proofread, until you believe it’s unique and will stand out against the thousands of others with the same dream as yours. Your hand hovers over the keyboard, the arrow patiently over the submit key. There’s a dramatic suspense, wondering if the hours you’ve labored over this will prove to be successful. You wonder if your topic is too cliché or too weird and off base they won’t get it- they won’t connect and know you. That you spent the moment this application came out over the summer, until now. The fact of not knowing, the waiting, put you in a comfortable position. Frightening, with anxiety and wonderment, if you're enough.

You send in the application, and you’re waiting. You avoid anything having to do with the school, imagining yourself there, or talking about it- believing you’ll jinx your chances. Thoughts circle your brain, as you overthink everything about your essay and application. It’s what keeps you up at night, anxious during the day, wondering if you’re enough.

You cross off each day as it gets closer to the decision date. Finally, it’s here - tweets start flooding out, Instagram photos with the acceptance letter are posted, and your body feels like an electric wire, lightheaded even. You open the letter or open the electronic email with your decision. You stop, reread. Then, you reread it again, and another time. You see the outer edges of your vision caving in with the world around you, internally feeling like you’d been hit in the stomach with a baseball bat. You shut your eyes, tight, and open them wide one more time, and then the words started to blur, closing them again, tears rolling.

Denied. Not deferred, or accepted. denied. Somehow, your hard work, your careful critique, you weren’t enough. That word and action, of falling short, not being enough, rattles in your brain. You start to lose yourself, wonder who you really are and who you’re supposed to be. Your dream, shattered, gone. In one simple, two second click, the message popped up that changed your course of action, an abyss for which you have no plan for. It was just and only that- everything else seems insignificant.

Every school seems insignificant- you believe there has to be some mistake, a way to fix it. Wondering how you’re going to go to school and show your face- wondering how you’ll appear to people, wondering how you’ll face yourself and what lies ahead. The could have been, the people around you who got that dream - your dream.

Drop everything you believed to be true about how your life would unfold. Stop wondering what you could have done differently, where you went wrong, or any anxiety of what to come. Because you are enough. You are loved. You are destined for greatness. Life is designed to take you on paths you didn’t plan on taking, throwing burdens in the way to make you stronger and redesign yourself. Live spontaneously, in the moment- you’re made for several different paths, not just one - and if you wander from your plan, so be it. Live joyfully, humbly, and stay optimistic - it all works out.