There will never be a word strong enough to describe the pain that comes along with a broken heart. It almost seems like the end of the world in some ways, like your world is crumbling down, and what makes it even worse is that it can happen so unexpectedly.

But the one thing that hurts the most is when I try to console the friends who are or have been hurting, I constantly hear the three worst words. You. Don’t. Understand.

I don’t understand? Of course I do.

Halfway into my freshman year, I lost the guy that I had been dating for about three years. I loved him more than anything, as my boyfriend and as my best friend. The morning that I was ready to go home for Thanksgiving break, I woke up with a weird feeling that I had never felt before, and I found myself asking him if he had loved me the same way that he did before we went off to college. He simply said “things are different now”. An empty void in my stomach formed that was worse than when I woke up and I lost my breath, but little did I know that that was only the beginning.

We both got home and everything was perfectly fine until Christmas break came around when everything turned sour. He was beside himself, saying things like “I don’t feel the way I felt last summer” and “things have changed, I’ve changed” and I just couldn’t wrap my head around what his feelings were or what “things” were different. Yeah, we argued about going out on weekends without each other and of course we struggled to find time to have a causal Skype call, but I still loved him the same way that I did from the start of our relationship, and I knew that I would love him long after that.

Then one day in the beginning of January, he expressed to me that the only way for him to feel better about himself was to go on a break. Whatever that meant. So I said yes and he went back to school, leaving me to stay at home for three more weeks to mope and cry about not having him anymore and being completely alone for the time being.

Then, I went back to school and it all went downhill from there. I cried every day and I couldn’t find any energy in me to get out of bed, so I didn’t. My friends and roommates carried on, I couldn’t. Then Valentine’s Day came around and I was hospitalized and diagnosed with Broken Heart Syndrome. Yes, it’s real. I had severe indigestion and cysts forming in my chest from all of the pain and stress that I had bottled up throughout the past two months.

Love is something that most people take for granted. I have come to realize that so many people who have loved someone have not realized what they had until they didn’t anymore. Love can be one of the most amazing feelings, one of the most intimidating feelings, and one of the most vulnerable times in a person’s life. After the ending of my relationship with him, I never regretted feeling any of those feelings for a second because it helped me flourish. I never resented him or his decision to simply better himself, because I respected his decision even though I couldn’t understand why. But most importantly, I never questioned my worth. I knew that because things did not work out between us, that didn’t mean that it was because I wasn’t pretty enough or because I wasn’t smart enough, but because it could not work out at that moment in time.

I guess what I am trying to say is that before you tell anyone that they don’t understand the pain that you are feeling, think twice. Everyone has gone through some sort of heart ache in their lives and everyone has their daily struggles. Whether it is a break up or the matter of having low self-esteem, you may never know what someone carries around with them every day.

Also, never point the finger at anyone. If I spent any of my time blaming him or myself for the ending of our relationship, I would have taken so much time away from getting better. It is nobody’s fault that feelings change. It is nobody’s fault to think differently. I walk around today over a year later still a little sad, but in a sense happy that I felt that pain because it made me stronger, happier, and healthier than ever. It also taught me that I should never rely on anyone else to make me happy because the only person I need is myself.

It will always get better, even when it doesn’t feel like it. I know from experience. You’re not alone.

Sincerely,

Someone just like you