I never thought it would end like this; all this pain once was happiness. I never knew I could feel like this, but now my heart’s in pieces. When your heart is truly broken, you know, and so doesn’t everyone else. From the shaky hands to the tear stained eyes to the whimper in your voice; they know. It’s not hard to ignore it either. People would ask, “What happened? You guys were perfect together!” and the only reply they would get was a shaky, “I don’t know.” along with the tears running down my cheeks.
I couldn’t help but wonder if this was all just a nightmare I so desperately wanted to wake up from. I wanted the words, “It was just a dream.” to come off of your lips. But as I had guessed, they didn't. I woke up to a horrible reality; a life without the one I truly love. How am I supposed to go on living without the one I planned on living my life with? How am I supposed to learn to go to bed smiling without the normal goodnight, and I love you message? The comforting feeling of being loved and wanted was gone before I even had the chance to realize it.
But my biggest question is, how can I simply say goodbye to the greatest thing I’ve ever been able to call mine? That is by far the worst feeling that ran through my mind and soul. I had to learn not to cry when things got tough because I didn’t have you to dry my tears and hold me tight. I had to learn not to break down whenever I heard your laugh or saw your smile, because I knew those would never be caused by me again. I would give anything to go back in time and spend one more minute with you, or be able to hug you or kiss you just one more time.
So how am I supposed to start over now? I loved you with every piece of me; completely and utterly ‘head over heels’ for you. But ever since I lost you, it feels as though I don’t have a heart anymore. How do I breathe without my heart? How do I live without a heart? It’s impossible. I am lost in a world of sadness and despair. I miss home, and to me, home was in your arms; being able to look up at you and just thinking, “I’m the luckiest girl in the entire world”.
I would love you during all of our pointless fights, through all of your sad days, through all of mine. I would give anything to spend one more day with you; holding your hand and telling you just how much you mean to me. I wish I had the chance to prove myself to you again and show you the world. We had so many plans, so many memories, so many firsts for everything. One thing for sure was that you were my first real heartbreak, because seven months later, I still miss you just as much as I did the day you left. This pain in my heart is permanent, but so isn’t my love for you. I will always love you with every inch of my soul and being, and I hope one day, you will come back to me so I can show you the world and treat you how you so desperately deserve to be treated.
The Girl Who Loves You