People come into your life so unexpectedly, and it’s so great. And then they’re gone in the blink of an eye, and it feels like the wind just got knocked out of you, and you’ve experienced what death feels like when you’re alive.
As I’m entering my 20s, I’ve realized that this is where I need to get my life together. This is the point in time where I need to settle down and prepare for my future. So this one is for you, my “almost” boyfriend…
You’re one of those boys who doesn’t believe in commitment, and I don’t understand why. It has been almost three years, and I don’t understand why we’re just not together. Certainly, this was never supposed to happen. It’s all fun and games until someone falls in love and gets their heart broken. And that was you with me… You made me fall easily, with no intentions of catching me.
We aren’t dating, and I’m finally seeing that we never will. We might as well, but it’s a waste of time. I want something that you don’t, and I can’t blame you for that. That’s just how life goes. I can just imagine the future; soon enough, I’ll finally give up on you and you won’t have to see my face anymore. We won’t have to have these nonchalant conversations, even though you knew damn well that every time I saw you, my throat, lungs, and heart would all begin to burn. You won’t have to look at me and remember the shape of my teeth as your tongue pressed against them, or the curves of my skin.
I can imagine you sitting on the hood of your car in your favorite park, looking at the sky, and you won’t even remember that it is in that exact spot that you gave me your jacket for the first time because I was cold. You won’t remember that we sat in that spot to talk about our dreams, delving tirelessly into each others’ lives, until our arms got tired of digging, so we just held each other instead.
And then you’ll drive around late at night with the windows down going 80, 90, 100 miles per hour. You’ll forget about the times where the wind was in my hair, and you took me to the places you loved the most, and you told me about everything that made your heart race, and you even told me about that one person that ever made your heart ache. Then that same night, you’ll climb into bed, your brown eyes heavy with fatigue, and you won’t remember the first night I stayed with you or when you kissed me for the first time.
You’ll forget it all, but that’s OK. You won’t have to remember me at all. And maybe it’s better that way. You’re no good for me. I’m in love with a man who overlooks me. I’m not around for your convenience. And this kills me, because I put in so much time and effort for you, and I’ve gotten nothing out of it. But thank you for being the “almost” boyfriend, and for not giving me everything I wanted, so I can find someone who can.