The last time we crossed paths I was 16. There I was, practically falling over myself to get out of your car, running up to my house. I was late to my sweet sixteen party, and you weren't invited. Does it bother you? Its been three years and I still haven't figured it out myself. People ask me, "what it has been like having no contact with one of your parents for three years"? I always give the same answer:

"Imagine loosing your favorite pen. Once you realize its missing, you have a moment of flustered frustration as you look for it. It cant really be gone can it? Then being slightly disappointed that it is, in fact, actually gone. You move on. After all it was just a pen."

I have spent most of my life trying to come to terms with the fact that although I turned myself inside out for your affection and praise, it never came. Accepting that someone who should love you unconditionally has no desire to even provide for your basic needs is something I cant quite understand. There are days when I wonder how I could be worthy of someone else's devotion when you could not give me yours.

There are days when I feel broken - feeling lost but not sure what I am even searching for. All these years you have been less than reliable, so your complete nonexistence should be easy right? After all the problems you've caused, some would even say I should be happy your gone, but a part of me wants to know: Do you ever wonder what I have become?

Since you've been gone I have grown into myself. I have had not one, but two incredible guys show me what it truly means to be loved. I am quirky and funny and outspoken. I never take no for an answer, and I always speak up for what I believe in. I was voted the captain of my high school dance team, and got accepted into every college I applied to. I raised money for women in foreign countries, danced on national television, and even became a published author. I have made tons of new friends that share my same view on life and have surrounded myself with all of their unconditional love and support.

I am 19 and a full time college student now. I joined a sorority and have met women that are the the most incredible sisters I could have ever asked for. I am studying in the field of my dreams and have even gotten myself an internship with a clothing company that I am helping to create from the ground up. I go to concerts, read books, and even do some photography when I am feeling extra creative.

I am not ashamed to admit that I still see a therapist to work through how you make me feel. I am only human. One thing you can not take away from me however, is my progress. You may still have your hands wrapped around my past, But I refuse to have you dictate any part of my future.

Every experience I have had, every obstacle I have faced, and every success I have earned has been mine and mine alone. Every step forward is just another reminder that just because you cannot see my worth does not mean I deserve any less than the world. Your approval does not determine my happiness anymore. I hope one day you see how your disinterest and callus intentions have only made me stronger. Maybe you'll even see what an incredible daughter I was and always have been. Maybe.

So I ask you again: "have you ever wondered what I have become"?

You should.