To all the people I have ever disappointed in my life:
To society: I am sorry that I wasn’t pretty enough for you or that I didn’t meet your expectations. I am sorry I grew out of your ideas and found my own form of happiness within myself. I am sorry that I care less about you now than when I did when I was 13. I am sorry you are no longer a priority.
To my country: I am sorry for not always being happy with all that you have to offer. I am sorry for sometimes (okay make that all the time) wishing I lived somewhere else. I am sorry I have a soul that yearns for adventure and other cultures, which you just cannot offer here.
To my town/city: I am sorry for not always loving you back in high school because there was “nothing to do” (you have things to do, just not anything I want to do). I am sorry it took so long for me to realize that you aren’t actually “the middle of nowhere”, because you actually had a Walmart (and a movie theatre, and a bowling alley, and a gym, and a hospital, and a target). You aren’t as bad as I made it out to everyone who asked me about you.
To my high school friends who I am not friends with anymore I am sorry we lost touch as soon as I left for college. I am sorry for changing and finding new friends that replaced you. I am sorry you have to see me post all about them and how cool/amazing/awesome they are on every social media platform. But most of all, I am sorry our friendships are now memories and I miss you.
To my friends: I am sorry for not wanting to go to Cook-Out or get Christians with you that one night when I was too sad that pizza or milkshakes wouldn’t even brighten my mood. I am sorry for all the nights I decided to stay in because I just didn’t feel like walking down stairs (because that meant I would eventually have to walk back up them). I am sorry for calling you with all my problems at any hour of the night (well the 2 am ones, at least), you just give the best advice.
To that guy who thought I wanted something more: I am sorry to have confused you with “mixed signals” and “leading you on”. I am sorry I am just so “difficult to read” that you thought I was into you. I am sorry I enjoy the company of men sometimes and you didn’t make my cut for people I would date (Don’t take it personally though, you aren’t the first or the last person this will happen to). I am sorry I am too nice to everyone and you just happened to be included and took it as flirting.
To my Parents: I am sorry I never got the chance to spend as much time as I would like with you. I am sorry I can’t always return your calls. I am sorry that I get annoyed by you (but I guess it’s out of love right?) and I am sorry for only listening to you when it was after the fact and your words were “I told you so.”
To everyone who did not fit into either of the categories above: I am sorry to have forgotten you. I am sorry that you were put near the end, and probably spent half the post just looking for the section that had an apology for you. I am sorry we don’t talk anymore. I am sorry I might not know you if I ever see you in person. I am sorry you still think about me, when I obviously don’t still think about you.
But most of all, I am sorry to myself: I am sorry you took most of the hits. I am sorry for not putting you first. I am sorry I made you go on that date with the weird guy in the back of your math class because I didn’t want him to feel bad. I am sorry that I always put others before you even if I didn’t want to. I am sorry I couldn’t say no for you to that “thing” I didn’t want to do or try. I am sorry for making you think that the happiness of others is more important than my own and I am sorry that it took me two decades to just realize this. I am sorry you weren’t always a priority, but I am going to change that.
Sincerely yours,
The one who never fails to disappoint
