It has been a little more than 365 days since I have become free from depression.
First of all, Praise God!
Around the age of 12, my mom recognized that I was not acting normal anymore. I was abnormally mean and frequently angry. Additionally, she noticed I had gained a small amount of weight. A visit to the doctor was necessary and after that visit, I started taking anti-depressent medication. I wasn't that person who you would expect to have depression. Depression came to me in a different form than sadness, but rather emptiness. And when I felt empty, my reactions were mean and hurtful. I dealt with my depression for seven years. When I took my medication, I was my normal self. When I forgot, I was someone you wouldn't like to be around. And I didn't want to be me, either. I was well aware of the pain I caused people, but not until after I caused it. It was like a domino effect for me. My emptiness would cause anger, my anger would cause hurt, my hurt would cause sadness in someone else, and that sadness would, in turn, cause my own sadness. But there is good news.
Eight years later, I am now depression free.
Whether you believe mental illnesses can be healed or not, that's my story. A lot of prayer and faith and help from God and I sit here writing this, completely depression free. But, It doesn't mean that everyday I wake up happy and excited to take on the world.
It has barely been one year since I was healed, and I want to tell you all about my one year of freedom.
Every day was a choice. Every morning, I woke up (praise God, again) and I had a choice -- a choice to be happy and positive. I have to think more than most people do about replacing my old mind, with my new mind -- the mind that is free. This mind, instead of being negative, empty or full of hurt, is now full of positivity, love and most importantly, joy. So, yes, every morning, I have to do a little more than others, but it's just like putting on clothes. In addition to getting dressed, I simply have to remind myself of my new self first, before I can leave the house (or dorm).
That may sound like a lot of work, but it's worth it. In one year being free, I have done so many things that I wouldn't have been able to do if I still lived with depression.
In my one year of freedom, I have:
Traveled out of the country three different times.
Gotten a job that makes me talk to strangers.
Forgiven those who have hurt me.
Fallen in love with someone who I trust enough to share my past with.
Gotten baptized.
Received my prayer language.
Gone on two missions trips.
Met so many lifetime friends.
Changed my major.
Started to believe in myself.
For so long, I wanted to write about what it is like to have depression. But, how many people get to hear what freedom from depression is like? How many people get to experience complete freedom from any mental illness? Not many.
There is hope, there is healing, there is freedom and there is life after depression. And man, is it beautiful -- my gift from God.
