These are the words every new Tough Mudder and Legionnaire see right before their vision becomes clouded over with dirt and dust. The first time I ever heard of Tough Mudder, I thought people must be crazy to put themselves through something that has obstacles called “Arctic Enema” and “Electroshock Therapy”. The second thing I thought was “I will never be able to do that” Tough Mudder is designed to test mental, physical and teamwork skills in the harshest way possible. The words “you signed a death waiver” are no exaggeration! The first time I completed the course I was a senior in high school and years later I still thank myself almost every day that I did it.
The impact Tough Mudder has had on me is actually an unexpected one. Everyone that finishes the race grabs their free beer and pretty much feels like a total badass. Initially, those were the emotions I felt, but then some other feelings started to bubble up. Feelings that I was never used to having: confidence, inner strength. I was never really happy with the way my body looked. My physical appearance was something that tormented me rather than empowered me. I was constantly struggling between “I should be a lot skinnier” and “I’m basically skin and bone”. My body had no worth to me. That was the mindset I had gone into a 12-mile-long obstacle course from hell.
In the following weeks after completing my first race, I quickly realized that my previous way of thinking was so, so wrong. How can something worthless, weak and ugly push me through miles of deep mud, freezing water and over 20-foot walls? The answer is simple; something worthless, weak and ugly couldn’t do that. Because that is not what my body was or is. My body is strong, amazing, capable and tough. To this day, I don’t think any type of therapy could have helped me see that. It took putting myself through hell and back physically and mentally for me to realize that my body’s worth is not what can be seen, but what my body can do. This idea was and sometimes still is something totally new to me. I went from saying “I cannot do this” to “I was made for this”.
And just like that not only was I addicted to the adrenaline Tough Mudder gave me, but I was also addicted to the empowerment I suddenly felt. Training for the events slowly started changing me physically. My body was no longer an empty vessel but instead, it was a badass machine in constant overdrive. Today, every drop of sweat and every sore muscle is a reminder that I am capable of so much. I am capable of taking my unhappiness and changing it into absolute strength.
Tough Mudder has taught me so much about myself and I could not be more grateful. I have completed two Tough Mudder courses and was thrilled to be a part of the first ever Urban Mudder over the summer of 2015 and I do not plan on stopping anytime soon. Tough Mudder allowed me to learn to love myself and to be empowered not by what my body looks like, but what it can do. Hell yeah, I am one tough mudder.
