I thought about you today.
I was listening to my Katy Perry CD on my drive back to Wright State's campus and "The One That Got Away" came on. You popped into my head immediately. I started to cry. It's the first time I've heard this song since I was last with you and the first time I've thought of you for quite some time. I began to miss you. Like Katy sings in the song "In another life, I would be your girl; we'd keep all our promises, be us against the world." You didn't keep your promises. Not a damn one. This is when the missing you stops. When I remember how terrible to me you actually were.
But then I remember the good times we had. Like when we would lay in my backyard and make up constellations, or when we danced in your grandparents' basement to Frank Sinatra, or when I freaked out playing that one scary video game in the dark and you held me. The good things. We were such good friends and I miss that. I miss you. But that isn't you anymore, and it isn't me anymore either.
Then, at the end of the CD comes "Not Like The Movies." There's a line in there that says "When he's The One, you'll come undone; and your world will stop spinning." I thought that was you. I so desperately wanted it to be you. Imagine my heartbreak when it wasn't you. It still hurts. I still hear stories about how you cheated on me and who with. I swear, this is the breakup that never ends, and it's been over a year now. I haven't been allowed to heal and that is so unfair.
Now, you're with someone else. In fact, you were seeing her before you dated me. There's another song that reminds me of you now, it's a newer one. "Stone Cold" by Demi Lovato. She says "If happy is her, I'm happy for you" in her song. I am happy for you- well, I'm trying to be. You seem to have found someone you're willing to finally treat right, and for that I'm so proud of you.
If you're reading this, you know exactly who you are, and I hope you know I genuinely forgive you. I also want you to know that I'm okay, if this even matters to you. I know you're a pretty sensitive guy, so I can imagine it would matter to you. I also want to thank you. You may have broken my heart, I really loved you and you know that, but you made me stronger for it. What doesn't kill you, right? You taught me not to rely on a guy for anything, that I'm all I truly need, and that I deserve better than what you were capable of giving me at the time. This lesson really sucked to learn and I wish I didn't have to learn it at 18, I wish it could've waited a couple more years because I definitely wasn't ready. But hey, are you ever ready for this lesson? I don't think so. Anyways, thank you for everything.
