I once endured a heartbreak so terrible I swore I would never feel better. I was 100% sure that I would never heal and that the pain would never go away. I had never experienced anything like this before in my life and I swore that I would never find love again.
I have never experienced real loss that I remember and I'm very blessed in that case. So when I lost my ex, it felt like a part of me had died. This was my first true experience with loss. It felt like I was mourning a person who was standing right in front of me. In a way though, I was mourning. I had lost a great love. It had died right in front of me. I couldn't handle it. I cried for months and months. I couldn't eat and on the rare occasions I did sleep, I would wake up either crying or screaming because all I had were nightmares. I stopped going out and I rarely talked to my friends. I called my mom and begged her to let me come home because I was so homesick all the time. I couldn't escape my sadness. I thought I would never get better and I would never feel alive again. I know this sounds so dramatic but it's the truth. Heartbreak sucks.
And then one day it stopped.
One day I was walking to class and I felt the sun on my face. I really felt it beating down on me. I felt its warmth. Then I felt like I could breathe and so I stood and felt the sun for just a minute. My pain didn't all go away at once. It was little things over a very long period of time. I didn't cry myself to sleep as much, I started to hang out with my friends and I didn't think about my ex all the time. It turns out, I was homesick for a human that wasn't home anymore. That was the hard truth and it took me a long time to come to terms with that. I was afraid I would miss my ex forever, but I don't.
There are times when I miss little things we did, but I do not miss the person who I used to love so dearly. I never thought I would feel better but I do. Sometimes it takes having your heart broken to make you who you're supposed to be.