As a guy who grew up on the best coast in the world, I was pretty spoiled as a young Mainer. Because of my home, I was able to witness fantastic ocean scenery, see magnificent mountain landscapes, and dine on the nation’s best seafood.
However, any flatlander in July could tell you that. Sometimes I think we Mainers take our beloved nature, cuisine, and way of life for granted.
We’ll settle for a day’s old pint of blueberry’s as opposed to a fresh one if need be.
We’ll settle for Red Lobster when we really want Red’s Eats.
We’ll settle for Jimmy Garropolo even when we want Tom Brady.
But there is something for which we should never settle: dating a girl who isn’t a Mainer.
You see, once you date a Maine girl, you’ll never want to settle again.
Partly because she as amazing as the Fryeburg Fair, and partly because she’ll send you right of Dragon’s Descent if you do settle.
As my life’s second decade closes, I’ve realized a few things about this topic. It’s not as if there’s anything wrong with girls from Ohio, California, or even New Hampshire and Massachusetts. Rather it’s because these Maine girls are often better than a summer day with no Route 1 traffic.
A Maine girl will understand if you bring her to a seafood restaurant over Applebee’s. (At least she should).
A Maine girl will be willing to go hiking at Baxter or Acadia, even if it means forgoing a shopping trip elsewhere.
A Maine girl will know that your fashion sense often consists of either Carhart, Grunden’s, L.L. Bean, or New England sports apparel.
A Maine girl will realize that a drive-in movie trip to Bridgton or Skowhegan is better than a cinema.
A Maine girl will get why you chose to avoid the Turnpike on a Friday afternoon; and why you got frustrated with that Mass’ driver.
A Maine girl will be down for Big G’s over Subway and Dunkin’ over Starbucks, any day of the week.
A Maine girl will find just as much charm in a lighthouse or beach date as she would in a city date.
A Maine girl will avoid Lewiston just as much as you do.
A Maine girl will not get jealous if you talk about Isaiah Thomas, Mookie Betts, or Tom Brady all the way through suppah.
A Maine girl will do all these things, but most importantly;
A Maine girl will steal your heart.
So fellas back home and across the nation, if you meet a girl and she says she’s from Portland, pray that she means Portland, Maine.
