It's Not You, It's Me.
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

It's Not You, It's Me.

Love is a process that must be worked through, on, in between, around and sometimes underneath.

It's Not You, It's Me.
Wallpaper Zone

“It’s not you, it’s me” — this mantra has helped men and women escape relationships for decades, and continues to be an excuse today, and likely will work for the upcoming centuries. But scholars ask at what point does this excuse lose its meaning. The receivers of said message, likely, have heard it more than one time. Receivers stop believing that this is true, because after hearing it two or three or seven times, the mind only begins to believe that something in them must not be correct, lovable or even tolerable.

Expert receiver of this message, Sam De Franco, knows the ins and outs of the statement. De Franco is a resident expert on the science known as “falling in love with your best friend-ology,” and recommends that you eventually just give up on relationships in general. He says, “Marriage is pointless in today’s society; nearly half of marriages end in divorce.” De Franco has given up on marriage, and soon intends to officially give up on relationships in general. This choice is very much based on the mantra, “It’s not you, it’s me.” His desire for others is reciprocated a mere 10 percent of the time. As of May 23, 2016, De Franco has only ever engaged in sexual intercourse with two people — these people had no emotional ties to De Franco and vice versa.

Recently, De Franco has been getting intel about his current experiment in his research. This intel tells him that soon this message will be thrown his way once again.

“Just hearing the words, ‘I just don’t feel the same way,’ no longer affect me.” His research focuses mainly on the difference between words and actions. “Occasionally, the incidence of ‘words’ is the only action that may occur — generally making the news even harder for the receiver.” But his current experiment’s actions differ far from his words. De Franco has willingly lost many hours of sleep in order to gather more information on the subject.

Within 14 days, De Franco only slept a total of 45 hours, averaging less than three and a half hours a night. “I just really care, and I want to make sure they make it home alright.” Though this is enacted through love and true concern, it is, in fact, stupid. As the well-known contemporary artist Jenny Holzer states in many of her installations, “Expiring for love is beautiful but stupid.” This lesson is far from easy to learn, but it being one of her many "truisms," it brings it forth to the mainstream and allows people to remember it. De Franco recently made this installation the background on his 11-inch MacBook Air- with the hope to remind him to get over it.

Another expert on the subject is Dr. Grace Turkim, with a Ph.D. in listening and understanding, with a bachelor’s degree in sucky relationships and a minor in getting over it. She teaches a class at Illinois State University called Your Irresistible Best Friend 101. This class is only taught in the middle of nights when students call Dr. Turkim. Tears are not OK — tears are expected as students fall in love with the one person they are closest to on campus. Oftentimes this person is someone they consider their best friend, hence the name of the class. Turkim recommends that students listen to sad music — I know cliché and sometimes unhelpful. However, with Turkim’s current research, many students are finding that listening to sad music is more beneficial, for it displays that more than just one person has had this sensation of despair and what Turkim describes as “that feeling that feels like total complete obliteration of any sort of happiness,” which is a technical term often abbreviated as “not that great.”

But in order to get a full understanding of what happens, we must view the other side — the deliverers, or as many who study the topic call it, “the contemptible degenerate who wants everyone to be sad” (for the sake of wasted breath we will call this person “the deliverer”). The deliverer oftentimes does not know the damage that they have done, or will do. After an interview with a deliverer, who has asked to remain anonymous, we learn that sometimes, “falling in love with your best friend is impossible; you care too much, you really do love them — you’re just not in love.” They really do mean this; loving someone and being in love are two entirely different things. You love your dog, but (hopefully) you are not in love with her.

Being compared to your four-legged companion was probably not the best comparison; however, it’s the same idea. Love is love, love wins, love conquers all — unless it is two different kinds of love. De Franco knows exactly what this means. “In my most recent encounter with this statement, they were/are one of my closest friends, and not only do I love them as a best friend, but as a significant other too.” He goes on to explain that this is what made the conversation difficult, then retracts that statement because the two still have not spoke upon the subject.

This sentiment is devastating to many; it often causes tears and fractures in friendships, and can even emphasize depression, anxiety and body image issues. According to The Body Image Therapy Center, 43 percent of men and 70 percent of women are not happy with their bodies. Statistics like these are on the rise; depression and anxiety in teens are also rising at an alarming rate. And this must be combatted, but we cannot blame the deliverers in our society, no matter how easy it may be. Love does not just happen. Love is a process that must be worked through, on, in between, around and sometimes underneath. But when it comes down to it, everyone will end up with whom they belong with, because as much as we hate to believe it, fate will take over, whether it is God, Gods, the universe, fate or just plain old luck — you just have to give it time. Maybe you end up with your second-grade love or your new college bestie, but maybe you don’t. Maybe you find your true love on a blind date or at an art museum. Keep your eyes and mind wide open.

So moral of the story is yes, it is so unbelievably easy to fall for your best friend; yes, it always seems like the best idea at the time, but no, it isn’t; no, it’s never easy to get over someone like that and yeah, you’ll find everything wrong with yourself, but it really is never you. You are beautiful, worthwhile, amazing. You are sunlight. You are the stars. You are a child’s laughter. They know that, and they love you too much to lose that. So join me and put on your big kid pants; we’ll face this terrible journey together with a pen in your hand, a pain in your chest and a friend by your side.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Where To Find The Best Coffee Drinks In America, According To A Survey

Here's the coffee shop where you should get your morning brew.


Coffee, for billions of people, is one of the only things that can get us out of bed (after hitting snooze a time or two), especially in 2020. Because, if we're being honest, is there anything that beats a quality cup of coffee on those mornings when all we wanted to do is roll over and go back to sleep? The answer is no. And if you're headed to a coffee shop to pick up your caffeinated beverage, you don't want to sleep on the best coffee drinks in America.

According to LiveShopper Sassie's Coffee Project survey, when it comes to chain coffee shops, there are definitely preferred spots you'll want to hit up for your go-to order — whether you order the classic, frozen, or flavored coffee, an espresso, tea, or other. To figure out the hot spots, 1,000 coffee drinkers across the United States took to LiveShopper's mobile app, PrestoShopper, to answer various questions about their coffee drinking habits and preferences. In return, these survey respondents got money back for their coffee — something any user who downloads the app can do as well (yes, even you).

Keep Reading... Show less

The Best Bagel Recipes For Every Personality Type, In Case You Need Another Excuse To Eat Carbs

I'll approve of pasta for breakfast any day, but this is more socially acceptable.


I've had times in my life at which I've told myself I need to cut out carbs. Those moments last about a minute or two before I start daydreaming about rice and pasta.

Bagels hold a special place in my heart — for many of my college friends and me, a bagel sandwich was the go-to breakfast after a long night of drinking. Years later, I still love to indulge in the occasional carb-filled breakfast. As much as I love putting in an UberEats order from bed, nothing beats the feeling of pulling some fresh-baked bread or pastries out of the oven.

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

Survey: Which Issues Are The Most Important To You In The 2020 Election

If you're a first-time voter or voting by mail for the first time, we want to hear your story.


The general election on Tuesday, November 3, 2020, will decide not only the next president of the United States but also which political party controls the House of Representatives and the Senate. Young and first-time voters will play a crucial part in determining the result.

Keep Reading... Show less

Articles To Write If You're All About Saving More Money, And Waking Up A Little Bit Earlier

Get your day started right — and keep that budget tight.


For all the young professionals, parents, and students out there who've been working, learning, or even teaching remote — 2020 has likely been the longest year of your life. If you didn't know (sorry), we've been locked down for over 200 days now, and chances are, you are ready for it to be OVER.

Keep Reading... Show less

Scrolling through Instagram can get stale after a while, especially if you're constantly refreshing in the hopes of finding something new and exciting. Should you be looking to add some inspiration to your timeline in the form of self-love tips, relationship advice, or love secrets, here are 11 relationship coaches you'll LOVE following.

Keep Reading... Show less

How Much Of A Coffee Snob You Are, Based On Where You Live

Your state may determine how picky you are about your coffee.


When it comes to coffee, everyone has different criteria for what goes into their "perfect cup." Some caffeine lovers, though, are extra particular when it comes to their beloved beverage. One survey found that the state you're from (or the one you live in now) may play a part in determining how much of a coffee snob you actually are.

LiveShopper Sassie, the company behind this Coffee Project survey, received input from 1,000 coffee drinkers via their mobile app, PrestoShopper, to ask various questions about their coffee drinking habits and preferences. In return, these survey respondents got money back for their coffee — something any user who downloads the app can do as well (yes, even you).

Keep Reading... Show less

If you are a college freshman, or new to college, this is for you. If you are in a new time in life where you don't know where this change is going to take you, where you might not have your community yet, this is for you. Or even if you are stuck in a rut of everyday life where the new normal is quarantine and isolation, this is also for you.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

As Illinois Reaches Its Highest Death Toll Since June, I Urge You To Stay Home And Wear Your Mask

69 COVID-19 deaths were recorded in a twenty-four-hour period, the highest amount since June of this year.

Photo by Noah on Unsplash

As we are approaching colder weather, we are also approaching a spike in COVID-19 cases throughout the state of Illinois. On October 21, 2020, Illinois recorded its largest daily COVID-19 death toll since June of this year. According to the Illinois Department of Public Health, 69 deaths of people who contracted COVID-19 were recorded within a twenty-four-hour period, raising the state's death toll to 9,345 since the start of the pandemic.

Keep Reading... Show less

When "Mean Girls" said "In girl world, Halloween is the one time of the year where you can dress up like a total slut and no one can do or say anything about it," they were damn right. Halloween is the perfect excuse to buy that raunchy costume and show your partner that you're that B. Coming from a very single (yes, very single) 20 something-year-old, I have already got my Halloween costume on lock, and now you will too.

Not only are these 10 Halloween costumes dangerously sexy, but you can wear them in the bedroom whenever you want to give your boo a surprise, yes, year-round. Whoever said you can only dress up on Halloween is seriously disturbed.

Keep Reading... Show less

Ariana Grande released her first single called "positions" since "boyfriend" with Social House and it is a BANGER. This song is absolutely incredible and I am SURE you will agree with me once you listen.

I'm a sucker for a single with a video and that's exactly what we got. Ariana's been pretty quiet during the pandemic, and we all assumed she was working on some new music, and we were right.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

Rejection Of Black Lives Matter Mural By Phoenix City Council Doesn’t Stop Gizette Knight

The Phoenix City Council rejected a proposal for a Black Lives Matter Mural in downtown Phoenix. But Gizette Knight says this is not the end.

Photo by Josh Olalde on Unsplash

Community organizer Gizette Knight, CEO of Reality Dreams LLC, is not giving up on the Phoenix City Council's rejection of the Black Lives Matter mural.

Keep Reading... Show less

For me, chai isn't just what I drink — it's a core part of who I am. Sure, I'll switch it up every now and then with a cup of English Breakfast, Earl Grey, rose, or Darjeeling, but I always come back to chai.

Nearly every tea lover has one tea they repeatedly drink and go back to, whether it's a daily morning ritual or an afternoon pick-me-up. One of my good friends has almost eight cups of jasmine tea every single day — she drinks more tea than water, actually.

Keep Reading... Show less

In a world where physical contact is a liability, the ease of slipping into despair and isolation has never been so tempting. Perhaps the greatest kindness we can lend to one another is reaching out to the people that meant something to us before everything changed. Here's why you should message your friend today.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments