I have been having an off week, people. I haven't posted an Instagram picture in 6 days. I haven't written anything on Facebook (barring my articles, which are required) in about 10 days. And I have had nothing, nope nothing, to post to my Snapchat story. Life has been very transitory for me this last month, and as a result, I'm doing a lot of preparation for things that will be executed very soon. But the strangest thing is happening; I feel less accomplished when I don't post things. I've been working hard and organizing things, yet it's almost like if I don't tell people about it, it didn't happen. What it comes down to for me is, at the end of the day, I want people to know that I was my best self. It's almost as if I can't find rest within my own accomplishments; I have to show people and receive positive feedback to feel legitimized.
In preparing for this week's article, I did a lot of thinking about social media and how we want people to see our highlight reel, not our behind the scenes. And one of those aspects is the way young women cling to sexuality online to find their legitimacy.
Which, listen, I get it. I'm a woman too. I want the comments, the likes, the heart-eyed emoji faces. I want people to do the whole #goals thing. I want people to think I'm beautiful, and to tell me so because I don't always have the confidence to believe it myself. And honestly, I don't think it's wrong to love your body, to be empowered by it. I don't think anyone should be ashamed by putting themselves out there and saying to themselves "I like my body, and I was on the lake today and darn it, I should be able to post this without feeling guilty!" Go you. You are strong and confident, and you're right, you're super sexy!
The reason I hesitate over the submit button for those kinds of pictures is for no other reason than that posting a suggestive or sexy picture of yourself is unoriginal. Click on your "Discover" tab on Instagram, and the page is littered with women in underwear, or laying down in bed, or wearing teeny tiny bikinis and facing away from the camera so you can get a good look at their bottoms. And my main issue with that is that you posting a half-naked picture of yourself says nothing about your character. It does not show who you are: that you like to paint, that you are studying microbiology, that you have hopes and dreams and good friends and that for some reason you like to eat toast before bed. I know this sounds sporadic, but the point I'm trying to make is that no man will look at your lingerie picture and say "Hey, I bet she is really close with her mom" or, "I bet she sometimes wishes she was as artistic as her sister." It shows nothing about you, at your core.
I feel a little bit guilty even writing this to tell you the truth. Who am I to tell anyone how to conduct themselves? Who am I to tell you to cover up? I'm just hiding behind a keyboard and saying unpopular things because they are in my head, and that seems a little unfair for all the women out there who didn't want to feel shamed, and now do because of me. And if you like to do it, and men certainly aren't complaining, why should I even open my mouth?
Excellent point, Christina. Thank you, Christina.
I don't want this article to come off as woman-shaming. I just wanted to say that your substance shouldn't be synonymous to your sexuality. You can be a beautiful, whole person without showing the world parts of you that should be reserved for the most special person in your life. You can show the world other vulnerabilities, like your love for your family or your struggles in school, and still keep your modesty. People who have grown up in this era of social media seem to forget that you don't have to keep up with the Kim Kardashians of the world. You can be more than your body.
And this beautiful body is a big part of who you are, so by no means should you be afraid to dress in flattering clothes, or have the confidence to post a selfie, or be proud of yourself when that winged eyeliner comes out just perfectly. What I mean to say is that you should love yourself well; well enough to know that even though that revealing picture would get a lot of likes, it's not anyone's but yours to like.
Be in love with yourself. Be empowered by your body. No matter what you see in the mirror, find peace in knowing that you are a whole person no matter the little imperfections you see. You are beautiful, but you are so many other things as well. You're a hard worker. You're smart. You're clever and funny. You are a pretty great chef, or you're working on your Master's degree, or you started a garden and it's really doing well...all these little things that you can show the world besides your body, that can empower you just as much.
If you are seeking validation through a less modest medium, that is where I grow a little bit concerned. Even though the likes and the comments give you a high, make you feel all grown up, and give you a sense of peace with yourself, there will always be a little twinge in the deepest part of your heart that is asking if the sexy you is all they see. And I don't want that to be the case. Your body is merely a vessel for your soul, and your validation should come from what lies within that soul of yours.
Whether or not you post that picture, you are a whole person. You are no less of a person for posting it- I want to make that abundantly clear. But it should not be your only source for confidence. You are full of light and life, and you are irresistible in so many other ways.
Be brave, and be strong, and be sexy because you are, not because you have to be.
