As humans, we have an inherent craving for compatibility. We search for those who will accompany us through life and all the pain and joy that exists to be felt. What sets us apart from other animals is our ability to find ourselves in a state of deep self-awareness. To be entirely in-tune with the way in which we react with our surroundings and how these reactions influence our whole being.
This unique ability, in a way, puts us at a supreme disadvantage.
While this allows us access to the deepest labyrinths of unspeakable and incandescent happiness, it also allows us to every now and then become painfully aware of just how lonely we are. This makes it difficult for us to go extended periods of time without a significant amount of companionship in our lives. It also makes us more likely to latch onto any level of compatibility we find among those we keep close. It makes us more vulnerable to pain and exposes our hearts to deep wounds left by betrayal and abandonment.
We find ourselves aware of loneliness after being without a certain level of companionship for an extended amount of time and particularly aware of how much we miss constant access to a deep emotional connection. At a certain point, we no longer miss the specific person we have lost as much as we miss having a person there to share in our happiness, and share in our pain. There is a lesson to be learned from the pain we experience with loneliness and emotional loss.
As those who often share in life events and share a mutual understanding of loss and abandonment, we must trust in our ability to find different types of companionship and encourage the growth of the relationships we already have. These existing relationships are the ones that will get you through the very real pain associated with the loss of a long time companion.
We are allowed and encouraged to depend on friends, family, and all those who lift us from darkness, in periods of loneliness. It’s hard to learn from our mistakes. It’s hard to admit that sometimes the pain we feel in our hearts only exists in part because we allowed it in.
Society’s expectations of us more often than not exceed those which we set for ourselves, and the expectations we have of other people will more often than not exceed the reality that is forgotten friendships, broken hearts, and disappointments. This is not reason to fear, however. We rebuild and we heal. Of all we deny as humans, our hesitancy to accept that we are lonely is perhaps the most profound. We regret our loneliness because we are taught it is a negative thing.
The object of healing a broken heart is to redefine “loneliness” as “independence.”
It is redefining living “all on our own” as “learning to thrive and survive on our own”. It is the daily task of putting yourself out there, not to find a new life companion, but to be willing to learn from others in order to make yourself whole.
