For the majority of my life, I've been working towards one ultimate goal. Go to college. Now that I'm finally at the last point in my journey, senior year, I've come across a few challenges. These challenges being one, where I'm going to go; two, what I'll major in; and three, what my backup plan is. I don't know a solution to any of these obstacles, and I have limited time to solve them.

If you don't know me, I'm an artist. I've been drawing pretty much my entire life and art is everything I am. Junior year, as I took my first art class in high school, I realized that art is probably my calling and that I want to find a career in it. However, the closer I get to graduating, the more I'm double-guessing my decision, while a sea of doubt washes away my hopes and dreams. There's always those moments at family gatherings where everyone asks you what you're going to do for a living and what college you're going to. I was asked that recently by a plethora of family members. To answer their question, I responded with that I wanted to go to Kendall College of Art and Design in Grand Rapids and that I'm not sure what I want to major in. The look I receive is usually that of hope or great concern. I expect the second one, most times. I can understand this response, because I feel the same things. My anxiety doesn't exactly help the situation either. The constant "What If?" questions constantly overload my poor brain that still believes I'm 16, despite that 18 is quickly approaching.

Here's the thing: I know I'm a talented artist. I know I'm good at what I do. However, once you're put into a large sea of people with the same talent, it can get pretty intimidating. Being an artist can be pretty emotionally damaging in these circumstances. It's hard to have self-confidence as an artist when you're constantly presented with other, more talented artists. I often come across artists that are two or three years younger than me that have already exceeded my artistic capabilities, which really sucks, but it pushes me to improve and work harder to attain more experience. Art school has been super intimidating, I'm still not sure if I want to go. I feel I could probably prove everyone that ever doubted me wrong, or I can fail and do something else. At this point, either option is fine by me. One of the most stressful things you have to do when you apply to art school is you have to put together a profession portfolio of all your best work. I've been basically scrambling to get some quality projects done that I hope will get a good critique. It's a lot harder to create when you know whatever it is you're making is going to dictate your future.

If you're thinking about doing something that few people believe you can do, go for it. Prove them wrong. Work your ass off and reach your full potential. As long as you believe in yourself, have good habits and work hard, pretty much anything is attainable. That's what I'm planning to do in the coming years, and I'm hoping for the best.