With the Games of the XXXI Olympiad just a few days away, I’ve already figured out which events I’m definitely watching, and which ones I’m taking a hard pass on. While I appreciate the skill and athleticism inherent in every contested sport, some events are simply not made for watching on TV or, more likely, are just not to my personal taste. However, if you’re anything like me and love a good drama and high-stakes action, read on. Also, unless otherwise noted, I’m talking about the American team.
Must watch list.
1. Rowing.
You don’t have to be as involved as I am in this sport to root for the women’s 8+, the reigning champions of the past decade. Gevvie Stone, single sculler, is also one to look out for.
2. Everything track and field.
From the 100m dash to the decathlon, every event is
action packed with big-name favorites. Usain Bolt vs. Justin Gatlin is the race
that, no matter the outcome, will make huge headlines.
3. Gymnastics.
Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, you know that Simone Biles and Team USA are expected to win just about everything, like London 2012, only better. Massachusetts native Aly Raisman will once again be sporting the stars and stripes, but it is Simone that, should all goes well, will blow the competition away.
4. Women's soccer.
Never has a team been so dominant on the world stage and gotten paid so little compared to their rather unimpressive male counterparts. Let’s hope that another gold around these women’s necks will shift the scales.
5. Beach volleyball, swimming and diving and synchronized swimming
From lightning fast hits to better dancing in the water than I can do on solid ground, I simply enjoy watching these sports. Kerri Walsh Jennings and her new partner April Ross will have tough competition with the Brazilians, but still have a solid shot at gold. Michael Phelps will look to add to his hardware collection.
Only watch the highlights or avoid at all costs list.
1. Archery and shooting.
I would much prefer to be the one behind the bow than watching someone else do it. When everyone gets near perfect scores, the
excitement wanes dramatically.
2. Weightlifting.
As if hearing men grunt at the gym wasn’t bad enough, now I get to watch it on prime television. Give me some world records and I’ll watch the highlights.
3. Golf.
Why. Just why. The most over-televised sport, in my opinion, and the least exciting, also my opinion, has earned an Olympic berth. But, to top it all off, the best men in golf have decided to pass on representing their country and would rather earn the big bucks at the next PGA tour. The best women, however, are going, because they don’t earn much anyway and appreciate the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go for gold.
4. Judo and wrestling.
I never really understood the appeal of grappling with another person and throwing them on the floor. In Judo, at least, they mostly keep their clothes on. Also they can do cool moves. Wrestling just looks gross and sweaty.
5. Taekwondo.
I have a lot of personal bias going against this one. As a black belt in the ITF version of taekwondo, I simply don’t understand why the most boring version of taekwondo was chosen for the Olympics. I mean, really, WTF. (That’s their federation’s name. I’m not joking. Look it up.) Taekwondo means the way of the HAND and the foot, but in Olympic taekwondo there is no hand action. Just a lot of jumping around and awkward body bumps. 0/10 would recommend.
