This year has not been nice to me. And I'm sure it hasn't been nice to a lot of people. I feel as if I've been bombarded with death this year. I have no idea if I've just been oblivious to death in my 19 years or if it just has not clouded my life like it has done this year. Before this year, the only person that had left my life was my Nana in 2012.
Within the course of five months, I've lost my mom, my high school theater teacher, and now someone I went to high school with. Yet again, I am reminded of the fragility of life and how important it is to do what will make you happy.
Life is the longest thing you know, but it is also the most fleeting thing you know. In an instant, it could be gone and so I've learned to live life fuller and more urgently. I've learned to do today what I would've done tomorrow. It's only been five short months since I lost my mom and within that time, I've learned a few things that might help if you are grieving.
Grieve at your own pace. Everyone does. I believe there's no such thing as the "five stages of grief" because there is no set number of days it's acceptable to grief and then on day 60 just magically be OK. It takes time.
It's OK to not want to talk about it. No one has to tell you how to grieve or that you have to talk about your grief. All I can say is to not just bottle it up because someone's perfume or a laugh or a piece of clothing can make it all come rushing back and you have no idea how to deal with it.
It's also OK if you want to talk about it. Remember their smile, their laugh, their quirks, everything you love about them. This will help keep them alive in your memories.
It's alright to cry. I didn't want to cry because I wasn't sure if I would be able to stop but once I did, I started to feel just a little better. Accepting that I wasn't OK made it better for some reason. I wasn't pretending I had it together because inside I didn't and I still don't.
Finally, it's OK to not be OK. Losing someone is the hardest thing that people have to go through. Admitting that you are not OK allows time to be sad and as much time as you need to heal.
My thoughts are with the entire Castle View community during this tragic time.
