My Mom Taught Me Everything, Except How To Live Without Her
Start writing a post

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if heaven had visiting hours? I would get kicked out of every single visit because I would overstay my welcome. I would not want to leave. I would beg and plead for more time, just like I did when you were here. But you are not here anymore. You are there. And I am here – without you. It has been that way for almost 10 years now. Wow, re-reading that last sentence just made my mouth drop open because I cannot believe it has been that long. I still cannot believe you are there, Mom.

For anyone who has ever lost someone, I am sorry. The pain that comes with loss can sometimes be unbearable. The days, months and years that follow can be hard to get through. I am sorry. But, I am sure you are unbelievably sick of hearing ‘I am sorry,’ or ‘I know how you feel.’ You do not want to hear the words of those trying to offer their condolences. You want your loved one back. Please do not get mad at me for this, but, I know how you feel.

When I was 13, I lost the one person who I was always afraid to lose. I lost the person who made me smile through the tears. I lost the person who kissed my hurt goodbye. I lost the person who I could not bear to spend a minute without. I lost my best friend. I lost the person who held me together. I lost my Mom.

Now, I would never in a million years compare my loss to the loss someone else experiences. I do not believe any two losses are the same. People grieve in different ways. Pain is different for every single person. But, I will say that for those who have lost their Mother, I hope you have found a way to cope. And I hope by the end of this article, you will find some sort of comfort in knowing you are not alone.

Personally, when I lost my Mother, my entire world came crashing down. I convinced myself I could not live a single day without her. I had absolutely no idea how I was supposed to go on with my life if she was not a part of it anymore. Who was going to get me ready for prom? Who was going to push me to succeed in school? Who was going to watch me graduate college? She was supposed to be there for it all. And within one month, from her diagnosis to her departure from me, all of those supposed happy moments in life were going to have to happen without her.

What I want those who are familiar with this loss to know is that it is perfectly okay to be angry with the world at times because of what you are experiencing or have experienced. In my opinion, you would not be human if you did not feel some sort of anger about this. Why your Mom? Why my Mom? Why do bad things have to happen to good people? Trust me, it is aggravating as hell to not know the answer to these questions. You have to allow yourself to feel the negative emotions. Do not numb yourself to the pain. Feel it and get through it. I promise you that you will feel at least some sort of relief afterwards.

It is okay to cry at random times. It is okay to cry when it is happening. It is okay to cry two weeks after it happened. It is okay to cry five years after it happened. You can cry by yourself in your room. You can cry with family. You can cry with friends. You can cry with the random stranger at Starbucks. You lost your Mom. People will understand. Most importantly, you need to understand that what you feel is acceptable and normal. You will be okay, I promise.

It is okay to wish for them back. I have done this so many times I have lost count. When something really funny happens, I find myself thinking, ‘Man, I wish my Mom was here.’ And there are plenty of times where I can just imagine what she would say or how she would react and I find myself just laughing. And in that moment, I feel so incredibly close to her. I promise you, that feeling is worth the wish of having them there.

It is okay to not know how to feel or how to think. You have earned this right. Losing a mother does not come with a special handbook or instructions. No one is taught how to act in accordance with this drastic situation. I know it can be frustrating. And you might feel as though you are not reacting in the way that you should. Do not let others make you feel this way. Everyone deals with loss differently. Everyone grieves in a different way. Keep doing what you are doing. I promise you there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

For 13 years, I was blessed with the most amazing human possible to raise me and be by my side. I used to tell her she was the best Mommy ever and that I was so lucky to have her. I am now 23. And I still tell my Mom these exact same words. I got through these last 10 years. There were days where I definitely had my doubts. But I did it. I did it for her. Because making her proud has always been my main motivation in life.

Yes, holidays are hard. Birthdays are not easy. I am an adult and I still cringe sometimes when I hear my girlfriends laughing and carrying on with their Mothers. I cannot help it. I am human. I find it easier to allow myself to feel the hurt than to hide it. Because I will never be able to cover up the fact that I lost such a huge part of myself when I was younger.

So what I want everyone to know is that it is okay to grieve. We have all heard the saying, ‘It gets easier as time goes on.’ Well, I call bull crap on that. Time does not make the pain go away. It does not make living without your Mother any easier. Time moves on and whether we like it or not, we have to move on with it. No, we do not need to leave our Mothers behind. We take them with us, always. Memories are a beautiful thing to reflect on. Please make sure you do this often because it keeps their spirit alive. Their spirit lives on through us. I love that.

I never thought I would be 23 years old and have to reminisce on the moments with my Mom because she is no longer here. I never thought I would have to tell my future children all about their Nanny through words and pictures. My reality now is far different than what I always thought it would be at this age. But, I do not consider myself “mother-less.” I have a Mom and I have an angel. I hope you find comfort and some sort of peace knowing that you have that too.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Lifestyle

Where To Find The Best Coffee Drinks In America, According To A Survey

Here's the coffee shop where you should get your morning brew.

266832

Coffee, for billions of people, is one of the only things that can get us out of bed (after hitting snooze a time or two), especially in 2020. Because, if we're being honest, is there anything that beats a quality cup of coffee on those mornings when all we wanted to do is roll over and go back to sleep? The answer is no. And if you're headed to a coffee shop to pick up your caffeinated beverage, you don't want to sleep on the best coffee drinks in America.

According to LiveShopper Sassie's Coffee Project survey, when it comes to chain coffee shops, there are definitely preferred spots you'll want to hit up for your go-to order — whether you order the classic, frozen, or flavored coffee, an espresso, tea, or other. To figure out the hot spots, 1,000 coffee drinkers across the United States took to LiveShopper's mobile app, PrestoShopper, to answer various questions about their coffee drinking habits and preferences. In return, these survey respondents got money back for their coffee — something any user who downloads the app can do as well (yes, even you).

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

The Best Bagel Recipes For Every Personality Type, In Case You Need Another Excuse To Eat Carbs

I'll approve of pasta for breakfast any day, but this is more socially acceptable.

24293
NBC

I've had times in my life at which I've told myself I need to cut out carbs. Those moments last about a minute or two before I start daydreaming about rice and pasta.

Bagels hold a special place in my heart — for many of my college friends and me, a bagel sandwich was the go-to breakfast after a long night of drinking. Years later, I still love to indulge in the occasional carb-filled breakfast. As much as I love putting in an UberEats order from bed, nothing beats the feeling of pulling some fresh-baked bread or pastries out of the oven.

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

Survey: Which Issues Are The Most Important To You In The 2020 Election

If you're a first-time voter or voting by mail for the first time, we want to hear your story.

94118

The general election on Tuesday, November 3, 2020, will decide not only the next president of the United States but also which political party controls the House of Representatives and the Senate. Young and first-time voters will play a crucial part in determining the result.

Keep Reading... Show less
Tips

Articles To Write If You're All About Saving More Money, And Waking Up A Little Bit Earlier

Get your day started right — and keep that budget tight.

223490

For all the young professionals, parents, and students out there who've been working, learning, or even teaching remote — 2020 has likely been the longest year of your life. If you didn't know (sorry), we've been locked down for over 200 days now, and chances are, you are ready for it to be OVER.

Keep Reading... Show less

Scrolling through Instagram can get stale after a while, especially if you're constantly refreshing in the hopes of finding something new and exciting. Should you be looking to add some inspiration to your timeline in the form of self-love tips, relationship advice, or love secrets, here are 11 relationship coaches you'll LOVE following.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

How Much Of A Coffee Snob You Are, Based On Where You Live

Your state may determine how picky you are about your coffee.

134195

When it comes to coffee, everyone has different criteria for what goes into their "perfect cup." Some caffeine lovers, though, are extra particular when it comes to their beloved beverage. One survey found that the state you're from (or the one you live in now) may play a part in determining how much of a coffee snob you actually are.

LiveShopper Sassie, the company behind this Coffee Project survey, received input from 1,000 coffee drinkers via their mobile app, PrestoShopper, to ask various questions about their coffee drinking habits and preferences. In return, these survey respondents got money back for their coffee — something any user who downloads the app can do as well (yes, even you).

Keep Reading... Show less

If you are a college freshman, or new to college, this is for you. If you are in a new time in life where you don't know where this change is going to take you, where you might not have your community yet, this is for you. Or even if you are stuck in a rut of everyday life where the new normal is quarantine and isolation, this is also for you.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

As Illinois Reaches Its Highest Death Toll Since June, I Urge You To Stay Home And Wear Your Mask

69 COVID-19 deaths were recorded in a twenty-four-hour period, the highest amount since June of this year.

1685
Photo by Noah on Unsplash

As we are approaching colder weather, we are also approaching a spike in COVID-19 cases throughout the state of Illinois. On October 21, 2020, Illinois recorded its largest daily COVID-19 death toll since June of this year. According to the Illinois Department of Public Health, 69 deaths of people who contracted COVID-19 were recorded within a twenty-four-hour period, raising the state's death toll to 9,345 since the start of the pandemic.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

9 Halloween Role Play Costumes That'll Make Your Partner Want To Jump Your Bones

Whoever thinks dress up is only for Halloween is seriously disturbed.

2025

When "Mean Girls" said "In girl world, Halloween is the one time of the year where you can dress up like a total slut and no one can do or say anything about it," they were damn right. Halloween is the perfect excuse to buy that raunchy costume and show your partner that you're that B. Coming from a very single (yes, very single) 20 something-year-old, I have already got my Halloween costume on lock, and now you will too.

Not only are these 10 Halloween costumes dangerously sexy, but you can wear them in the bedroom whenever you want to give your boo a surprise, yes, year-round. Whoever said you can only dress up on Halloween is seriously disturbed.

Keep Reading... Show less

Ariana Grande released her first single called "positions" since "boyfriend" with Social House and it is a BANGER. This song is absolutely incredible and I am SURE you will agree with me once you listen.

I'm a sucker for a single with a video and that's exactly what we got. Ariana's been pretty quiet during the pandemic, and we all assumed she was working on some new music, and we were right.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

Rejection Of Black Lives Matter Mural By Phoenix City Council Doesn’t Stop Gizette Knight

The Phoenix City Council rejected a proposal for a Black Lives Matter Mural in downtown Phoenix. But Gizette Knight says this is not the end.

913
Photo by Josh Olalde on Unsplash

Community organizer Gizette Knight, CEO of Reality Dreams LLC, is not giving up on the Phoenix City Council's rejection of the Black Lives Matter mural.

Keep Reading... Show less

For me, chai isn't just what I drink — it's a core part of who I am. Sure, I'll switch it up every now and then with a cup of English Breakfast, Earl Grey, rose, or Darjeeling, but I always come back to chai.

Nearly every tea lover has one tea they repeatedly drink and go back to, whether it's a daily morning ritual or an afternoon pick-me-up. One of my good friends has almost eight cups of jasmine tea every single day — she drinks more tea than water, actually.

Keep Reading... Show less

In a world where physical contact is a liability, the ease of slipping into despair and isolation has never been so tempting. Perhaps the greatest kindness we can lend to one another is reaching out to the people that meant something to us before everything changed. Here's why you should message your friend today.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments