The determined, hardheaded girl I can be finally broke, falling straight down to my knees in a cry out to help, a cry of brokenness, a cry of distress and a cry of confusion.
Through all the unshaken phone calls, the unexpected heartbreak, the dishonesty and the failure, I finally realized that “it's okay that to not be okay.”
That moment hit me; it hit me like a brick wall. My life had been moving because after all... Life goes on. I had been keeping busy and doing the normal routine of every day college things. But slowly the everyday college things kept moving and I began to freeze. I was frozen from loss, from heartache, from failure, from insecurities and from weakness.
If it’s okay to not be okay, why are we always told to be strong? Why is it wrong for men to cry? Why are we told we have to be this size and have to look like this model? Why are we constantly living in a life full of fear?
Death is sad, it's unshakeable, it’s unfathomable and it’s often unexpected. Stress, it's built up over time, it stems from us constantly striving to be your best. Weaknesses come from the extra weight we feel we have to hold, in desperate times. Dishonesty hits when the people we expect the most out of undermine our being.
Through the pent up pain, hurt and anger, I fell, falling straight to my knees. It hit me that very moment I stepped off the plane. My everyday college life had finally caught up to my feelings. I saw my mom standing there arms wide and I sunk, I sunk straight to the ground.
It finally hit me, I had to face sending the fifth person home in the span of a month. In a silent cry out for help I heard those words "it's okay to not be okay."
I felt a hand reach down and lift me up, this time I wasn't looked down upon and told be strong and put a smile on. I didn't have to hold the extra weight on my shoulders. This time I heard "I am your strength."
A sense of relief came over me; it was like I finally had a chance to catch my breath. Finally, I was okay, with not being okay.
I faced head on the brokenness that’s seen in all sizes. I learned some wounds are invisible and they are only seen through stories, others wounds are seen clearly whether they are worn outwardly by choice or not. But at the end of the day no matter where our wounds fall, we are all okay, not being okay.
We all have those moments that we fall, we cry, we hurt and the moments when we think we are alone. That's why we have each other; we are connected in some way. We have felt weaknesses, we have felt failure, we have be confused and hurt, we have lost loved ones and we have all not been okay at times.
But through all the pain, the hurt, the loss, the stress and the failures we have each other. We never go through anything alone. These "it's okay to not be okay" moments make us valuable, they don't break us they make us worthy, they don't destroy us, they equip us.
We are equipped to help those who face a moment of weakness like we have; we are equipped to pass along love, hugs and honesty, we are made worthy through our strength and our ability to recognize at times that it’s okay to not be okay.
Everyone faces those moments where “it’s okay to not be okay.” After all, we all experience highs and lows, and triumphs and defeats, and we all fly but we also all fall. It’s all about perspective, about optimism, about faith, we all are more than capable to help someone up, remember we all have wounds.
