It’s OK To Be Selfish, You Deserve It

It’s OK To Be Selfish, You Deserve It

Learning to love myself

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Standing there looking the mirror and you don't love the person that is staring back at you. Having self-esteem issues is one of the biggest problems in my life. When you're so focused on everybody else and everybody else's happiness that you start to lose your own and what makes you who you are you forget that you matter. You forget what makes you who you are, you get so involved with everybody else and what everybody else is thinking that you don't listen to your own thoughts.

You'll listen to everybody else's happiness that you forget that you are a person that you still need to be loved. That the person that matters most in the world is yourself sometimes you just need to be selfish. I think that's what I forget all the time is that I put everybody else before me I haven't even put myself Above that. I have not truly focused on myself and seen my happiness what I am worth.

I have never worked on the issues, I have never been able to there staring back in the mirror and smile because I am a beautiful human being, I've never been able to laugh and think I'm one of the most funniest people in the whole world. I have never been able to look in the mirror and see someone who is brave and someone who is strong. Because I don't believe that I am and I am so worked up on everybody else but I have truly lost me I have not cared for myself. I have never been a selfish human being I've always been so selfless. I put everyone else's wants and needs above my own.

I continue to worry about this person or that person. I try to make everyone else happy. Yet am I happy?

There's days where I do feel like the most beautiful person in the world when I think that I'm on top of everything but then 90% of these days, I don't feel like that I can have every person in the room directly tell me that I'm beautiful but I don't see that. I haven't truly loved myself, I haven't truly felt strong, I haven't truly felt brave, I haven't truly been happy. But slowly but surely I am changing. I will be beautiful, I will be strong, I will be brave, I will be happy, I will be Harley.

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I Hate That I Struggle To Love My 'Midsize' Body

I gained a few pounds, but that shouldn't be the end of the world, yet it is in a sense.

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Junior year of college has been quite the wild ride. I've had the best academic year of my entire life, yet struggled, in the end, to even want to get anything done. I didn't care about a lot of the things that used to matter to me.

I gained weight at the beginning of my second semester and went up a jean size, so half of my summer wardrobe just doesn't fit me anymore, and it's made me feel embarrassed. I went from a size 6 to an 8/10, and while it doesn't seem like a big jump to the average person, it was to me. I don't like looking in the mirror and seeing a bigger pooch than usual, or how my thighs have gotten super irritated because they also got bigger. Chaffing I used to only have in the summer occurred in late January and even scared my inner thighs. It's not cute and it hurts when it flares up. I am terrified to wear my bikinis again because I know they won't fit, and the second I put on shorts my thighs are going to want to kill me if I don't kill them first.

I came to really love my body last summer after struggling through a rough breakup where I stopped caring about myself. I owned myself last summer and as much as I want to again this summer, I'm really struggling with the idea of it.

All I feel like I see on social media are skinny girls with zero hint of a pooch or thick thighs in sight. I've never been a skinny girl and I never want to be, but I can't help but envy the people I've seen online and in person. Of course, what I see on social media isn't really accurate, but it's still been tough to look at these girls who seem like they don't have a care in the world. They can eat whatever they want and still look flawless. They can throw on a bikini and not have to feel like they need to suck everything in so no one sees their pooch hanging over their bikini bottom. As a stress eater who is still too terrified to try on her bikinis, I'm not looking forward to showing my body off when all I want to do sometimes is hide it because I don't feel happy with what I see.

I will always love being a curvier girl and YouTubers like Sierra Schultzzie, Carrie Dayton, and Lucy Wood have given me a new boost of inspiration to embrace the body I have right now. I'm not skinny but I'm not plus sized either. I feel pressure from myself and certain people in my life to be skinnier and not "let myself go." I

'm so happy to have friends who have helped me through my struggles and support me, even when I don't want to support myself. These YouTuber's have opened my eyes to the fact that this body deserves to be loved just as much as my former, smaller body.

I want to love myself with 100% of my being and I hate how much hatred I've allowed to go on inside of me. There is only one me and I need to be proud of her. Maybe she gained some weight and isn't what society expects from a girl, but she's still amazing and has so much to offer.

I wish I could see more girls like me on YouTube or social media offering a representation of my body type, which I hardly ever see. Aerie and American Eagle have done a fantastic job of including different body types and it's been a great help in seeing that they really to make clothes for all types of women, not just a size zero to two. Added representation really does wonders for someone suffering from low body confidence like me.

While I hope to begin my journey into losing a few pounds this summer by jogging whenever I get the chance, I'm not going to put intense pressure on myself to look a certain way. I am single for the summer and exploring life with my best friends by my side. I'm here to be the best version of me that I can. I cannot let negative thoughts about myself to dictate how I feel every day. I am strong, I am beautiful, and I need to love myself and my body as I am.

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To The Ones Who Feel Alone, You're In Good Company

No matter how hard it gets, there is always a brighter day ahead.

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Life, especially college life, is a rollercoaster. Some days you may be on top of the world, other days you may feel completely defeated by it. I've definitely felt my fair share of both. Everyone does. It's part of living a real life. There is no such thing as a "perfect" day, week, month, semester, or year. It may seem perfect sometimes, and it may seem the opposite others, but that is OK. That is the way it should be.

Perhaps the most important piece to learn to accept this imperfection is realizing that no matter how great (or awful) life may seem, you are not alone.

That is something I have always struggled with, and I know that I am not the only one. Through the highest highs and the lowest lows, you are never alone. It is easy to "ride the highs," but the worst of the lows are always the hardest to endure.

Maybe it was a tough final that you did not do as well on as you had hoped. Perhaps it was a friendship or relationship that unraveled despite your best attempt to save it. It could be a struggle with your family. No matter how hard it may get, though, know that you are never alone. Never.

Everyone has their own coping strategy when the going gets tough. Some people are vocal, others are not. Some may choose to share what they are going through while others do not. More often than not, it seems to be the latter, and that is part of the problem. The worst part of feeling alone is not knowing that, in fact, you are not the only one feeling this way.

No matter where you are at, whether it is the highest high or the lowest low, do not be ashamed of it. I have done it myself, and trust me, it only makes things worse. Reach out. No matter what you are going through, I am sure that someone you know has felt the same struggle. You may not know it, but you are not alone.

Try your absolute hardest not to let it stop you from being happy. Some of the most fun nights of my life have started out as I was feeling alone. Call a friend, even a distant one. Make plans. Jump on the Xbox, go out on the town, or do whatever it takes to surround yourself with interaction. Try your very hardest to push the low out of your mind, even if just for the night. Relax, revel at the moment, and enjoy. It will get better. I promise.

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