I had always had this idea of what it would be like to date when I grew up. And it was so romantic. And then I grew up. And I was wrong.

Of course, it’s my own fault for thinking that way. However, I’d also like to blame the movies for my naivety. I always assumed that if I was quirky and cute (which I think are two qualities that I possess) then I was guar-an-teed to capture a boy’s interest. Psych! It’s a lot more work than that. High School Musical should have prepared me better.

Maybe I’m just lazy because I think dating is too much work. Having to act like a more suave version of myself to impress others is exhausting. On the outside, I am a cool and collected individual who happens to be totally sane and has a "decent face." On the inside, I am making dinosaur noises, running around the house on my tippy-toes pretending to be a velociraptor. We put on this act to prove we’re unique -- that we somehow stand out from the other girls around us, but in order to obtain male attention we have to act and dress a certain way. It’s a double-edged sword and a game I don’t like to play. And what's so wrong with being like all the other girls, anyway? I’m as "basic" as the next girl; I just hide it well.

Maybe it’s not that I’m not lazy, but instead afraid. Or, maybe I’m not afraid; maybe I just lack experience in how to successfully date in the 21st century. On less than two fingers I can count how many guys I have dated. The experience was more like friends with benefits if the only benefit was holding hands. I was once talking with a friend of mine who was telling me a story about her and some guy she met at a party, and -- I shit you not --the following conversation took place between she and I:

Her: “So, you know when you’re kissing a boy and--”

Me: “No.”

Jeez, I just got sad even writing that. I hope I didn’t totally bum everyone else out as well.

I was once taught by my high school psychology teacher that at some point in a man’s life he will subconsciously start looking for women whose bodies are in prime quality to give birth. If that’s the case, I am prepared to be the chosen one. My hips are wide and ready for child rearing (in 6-10 years from now). My hips don’t lie and one day they’ll work to my advantage.

I used to think dating apps were only for the over 35-ers, yet I still downloaded Tinder and use it whenever I get bored of my life. I don’t know why I did -- I don’t take it seriously. So, what’s the point of Tinder? Unless you’re actively trying to bang someone, it’s useless. I am high-key trying to bang someone only after a connection has first been established; I’m not going to find that on Tinder. In fact, I only got the app because my friends told me to; they said it was funny. Not fun to use, but funny, as in the adjective. So I gave it a shot, and they were right. Tinder is funny. It’s funny because guys say some NSFW words to girls and think it’s acceptable or think the key to our hearts — or at least our vaginas — will

be given away if you call us pretty in the same sentence you ask a virtual stranger to ‘come over.” Yeah, I hate Tinder. I’m still going to use it, though.

I know this was pretty sad, and, sure, I just broadcasted my lack of dating life to the world (or, at least to the ten people who will actually read this including my editors), and, yeah, I totally just ruined the little bit of mystery I once held, but I’m still pretty confident in myself. Men of the world: date me!