I’m about that age in life when some women are tempted with the cruel baby fever. And I don’t just mean the “my heart melts when I see a baby”. No, I mean you want to cry while you are in the baby section at Target. The baby fever is real when you want a baby way more than the pure innocence and cuteness. Basically you want to be a mom.

I’m at the point when the baby fever is full blown smacking me in the face. I am only 22 and some say I am too young and I have my whole life ahead of me. Listen I am well aware, and is it so bad to know what I want. What makes it even worse is I’m single. So it’s not like I’m talking with a significant other when we are going to have kids any time soon. And it goes beyond wanting the cute little baby. I have been around babies since I was probably 6 with my cousins. I know what they consist of: money, diapers, vomit, poop. Endless sleepless nights. All of it. I know. You think I would be running to never having children after everything I’ve seen.

I’ve witnessed my little twin brothers rub their diapers on the carpet and my goddaughter crying and never stopping any time soon. I’ve wanted to cry babysitting at times because I am so terrified and then the baby falls asleep or smiles. And it all goes away. Or the kid stops throwing things at me and looks at me missing a tooth saying they are sorry. Everything that is supposed to prevent someone from wanting a baby only works for a day for me and then I am in the baby section in Target crying again.

I think it’s more than baby fever for me. I want to be a mom. The cuteness just comes with the package deal. It’s the knowing that you did that, I mean with the help of someone else of course. But that baby, the cuteness, the person it will become one day, you helped shape that person and you raised that person. And in return you hope for that unconditional love that a parent and child has.

And isn’t this just a turn on for boys. At this point I do not hide my baby fever at all. It is uncontrollable. I literally cry maybe every time I see a baby and if I don’t cry I’m making faces at the baby for them to laugh. The other day, I was in the middle of a restaurant making silly faces at a baby the entire time. I’m sure I look insane, but I don’t care at this point. I’m sure my baby fever is probably making guys run for the hills. Shit I would too. But I guess I have never been afraid to show who I truly am, flaws and all.

But I know I’m not ready and when I am, I will know. I mean no one is ever completely 100% ready for what will come next, but when it happens I will do my best to embrace it with everything I have. Until I have my own baby, I’m a great babysitter/baby whisper. So if anyone out there needs a babysitter, hit me up. I will also be spoiling my cousins and goddaughter in the meantime. And I will just make weird baby talk and faces to some random baby. In other words, I will just be that crazy girl with baby fever until I have my own.