Apparently, my generation is abysmal at relationships. From what I have heard, the millennial cohort is full of hookup-obsessed commitment-phobes who want nothing more than physical relationships and shallow attachments.

Some claim they are the exceptions to this. For the record, most people I know who are in relationships do not hold such an opinion.

However, I have read quite a few articles by writers who write as though they have deeper insight simply because they found romantic love and commitment relatively early.

Supposedly, they are wise enough, mature enough to understand the beauty of commitment and long-term relationships and they pity those who seemingly do not feel the same way.

It’s not so simple.

“Commitment-phobia” has become somewhat of a four-letter word but there is absolutely nothing wrong with young college students being wary of commitment. First of all, there are broad societal trends like high rates of divorce and infidelity that might make young people a bit skittish when it comes to committed relationships.

There are also personal issues at stake for many of us. I, for one, have gotten hurt numerous times from falling too quickly so, yes, I am now very cautious when it comes to catching feelings and being vulnerable. Perhaps some may say I have become hardened or cynical but I truly believe this is a positive change on my part.

I will not commit to a man romantically until I feel I can trust him and he can return my level of affection. In this way, I am protecting myself and keeping my priorities straight.

I consider myself fortunate in the fact my romantic fears stem from a few cases of heartache and heartbreak. There are many people my age who have far more tumultuous personal histories including children of ugly divorces and victims of abusive relationships. It makes sense some people with these kinds of stories may be scared of commitment. The last thing they need is to be shamed for being so.

It is also the case that many people are ready for a romantic commitment but simply have not found a person to whom they are ready to commit. Considering my mother did not marry my father until she was 30, I surely understand love can take a long time.

There are many people who find the person they will spend the rest of their life with much sooner, but I honestly believe it largely comes down to the wonderfully messy way life works.

Everyone has a different story. There is no “right” way to do relationships and many people will not make a lifetime commitment to a college partner.

That being said, those who are not yet committed romantically may not want to remain exactly celibate until they find a partner. This, it seems, is where the judgment really appears. I have already written what is essentially a critique on the critiques of the “hookup culture,” and I feel this largely relates.

In that in-between stage of well, puberty, and finding a serious partner, many people will want to flirt, date around, and, yes, sometimes hookup. Some people may never even want a lifelong partner and that is great too. This all seems perfectly natural.

At the very least, it certainly should not invite shame, particularly from those who are perhaps fortunate enough to have found a partner early in life and who have not had to play the tricky dating game for very long.

I have heard many times that one’s relationship, or lack thereof, should not be a determinant of that person’s worth. While I sometimes have trouble believing this piece of wisdom for my own self, the logical part of me couldn't agree more.

The truth about those of us who have not found commitment is simply that we have not yet found commitment. We are not fatally flawed or damaged or inferior to those who have found love a little earlier. Our tales are simply a bit different.