"Oh, it's ok; I have black friends!" "I'm not racist because I have black and Mexican friends." "I wish I had a gay friend. That must be so cool shopping together!"
First off, let me say: we are NOT your token friends. By this, I mean that people of marginalized and minority groups are not here to be your justification for saying rude, disrespectful things, appropriating specific cultures or acting like you all of a sudden can completely relate to the struggles these groups have gone through. Racial, sexual and religious minorities are not objects to use to exploit groups and act like you're a part of them.
Honestly, many of us have been guilty of using a "token" minority, gay, or another type of friend at some point, but the important thing is realizing and understanding that using minorities as a way to justify speaking about them, making jokes or generalizations about them, or exploiting their lives is wrong and disrespectful. Sadly, there are many people who still do not understand how this behavior can be harmful to marginalized groups. I have seen this happen too many times in the recent presidential debates, and I must say that I am tired of it. I am tired of hearing politicians automatically refer to that one black person they know who is a "good friend" or referring to that one black child they spoke to as a means to show that they care about us and are seeking to repair race relations in this country. The language our own leaders use at times doesn't help solve the problem at all. Just because you have a black friend or you felt sympathy toward a little black child doesn't mean that you truly care about black and minority issues. It doesn't tell me what you exactly plan to do to help us or other oppressed groups.
I am not saying that people aren't allowed to have minority friends. I'm not saying you can't take part in other cultures. I'm not saying that you can't still care about the issues minorities face. However, what I am saying is that using the excuse of having black friends doesn't mean you can say the N-word or make racist jokes. Having Latinx friends doesn't mean you can dress up in sombreros and mustaches and call yourself a Mexican. Having friends who are gay or other sexual orientations doesn't mean that you truly support the LGBTQ+ community.
Many people are so quick to defend themselves if they feel they are being judged as racist or prejudiced. However, if your only excuse for justifying that you care about minorities is saying you have black or other minority friends or that you went on a mission trip to Africa one time or you ate at an authentic Asian restaurant once or you are "so gay for Ruby Rose," then you really should step back and reevaluate yourself.
Again, I am not saying that you cannot be an ally for oppressed groups. But if you want to show your care and support, go to those groups and actually find ways you can truly help those communities instead of exploiting them as your "token" friends.
