At 7 years old, I wanted to be a teacher.I wanted to go to Stanford. I had dreams of one day owning a big house and having a family. I was great at spelling and presenting to the class and always being the teacher's pet. I loved playing on the playground with my friends and playing Hot Lava Monster at recess. I was a tomboy that wanted to show my athletic ability. I was excited to eat my homemade lunch my mom made. I couldn't wait to go home, get homework done, and then go ride my bike or play with the other kids outside. I dreaded soccer practice and swim practice, but loved the games and meets. Second grade was a breeze.

At 10 years old, I still wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to go to Santa Clara. I had dreams of one day owning a big house and only having a husband, because sex ed made having children sound awful. My attention to detail had decreased. Spelling was no longer as easy, but writing was still my dominant subject. I no longer looked forward to eating homemade lunches. It was embarrassing to eat food made from home. I changed. I didn't know who my "group" was. I went home, hung out with the daycare kids, and didn't care for hanging out outside. Sports seemed more of a dread than a hobby, but again, the meets and games were the highlight. Sixth grade was where I started my decline.

At 14 years old, I wanted to be a social worker. I didn't know where I wanted to go to college. I no longer had dreams of the far future and my love life. I was so awkward. I just wanted to be liked by someone. Anyone. Finding and keeping friends was hard. I didn't know who I was. I was bending over backwards to change myself in hopes of being liked by someone and finding people to hang out with who would include me. School no longer was something I could concentrate on. Athletics were down to a minimum, and so was my commitment to anything. I was embarrassed to eat anything at school, so I wouldn't eat anything and until I got home and stuffed my face. I gained a lot of weight because of this. Being a sophomore was hard.

At 17, I wanted to be an Audio Engineer. I wanted to go to Central Oregon Community College. My GPA was nowhere near acceptable for any University. I made many mistakes that stayed with me and I needed to leave who I was. I was surprised I graduated. I was still very confused as to who my group was, let alone who I was. My boyfriend at the time was my everything. I was blind to all the unconscious eating, belittling, and verbal abuse he promoted because of all the love he showed me. I was at my all-time highest weight when I was with him. I wanted to marry him and eventually have a family with him. We broke up on my birthday. I no longer participated in sports. I moved to Oregon. I didn't know anyone but family. I made a change, and studies were now my highest priority, because I knew I wanted to be better than who I was. Being a high school senior/freshman year in college was a challenge

At 19, I wanted to be an English teacher. I had five colleges in mind to transfer to. I busted my ass at work and school. I joined a youth group with a lot of curiosity. I was getting better at school. I was retaining a lot more information. I was in an odd relationship but made friends that would last a lifetime and which eventually lead to becoming a Maid Of Honor in a wedding. Again, I ate a lot. I was a little more active. I had many personal communities develop. I helped a lot of friends stop smoking, doing hard drugs, get over personal issues. I found it contradicting that I was giving advice to people when I couldn't even get my life in order. I felt like I was able to make a change in people, so I changed my major to nursing. I graduated with my Associates of Arts, with Highest Honors on Dean's list and moved back home and then to Boise.

Now, at 20, I want to be a nurse. I'm at Boise state. I worked hard to get into the program but didn't pass chemistry last semester, pushing me back a year. I'm single and have low self-esteem Tinder nights to hopefully find someone to talk to who isn't weird or wants to hook up. My love life is non-existent. I get lonely and crave love and attention. I constantly debate if I'll ever get married or not or hell, if I have kids. I'm the Vice President of a non-panhellenic sorority and help it get recognized on campus. Ups and downs have crossed our paths, but we're still standing. I miss homemade lunches from mom and dinners from dad. I miss family. I found my group. I have nothing to be upset about, yet constantly struggle because of my anxiety and constant depression. I can thank my friends for their support while I have my rough patches.

I'm not where I want to be in life. The moral of this all is this: look at where I wanted to be when I was seven. I wanted to get accepted in one of the top 10 schools in the nation. And because I put my studies on the back burner when I was younger, that grew to be less and less of a priority. My life is stressful, but damn, is it a beautiful one. I love where I'm at in my life. Sometimes it can be lonely, and sometimes I want nothing but to be isolated from everyone. One thing I've learned from my parents (from many, many times of repetition) is to stop stressing. And that's what I hope to pass on to you. It's okay that life throws curveballs at you, it all depends on how you catch them.