From a dangerously young age, society thrusts upon us what is meant to be seen as masculine and feminine. Before most children have even come into the world, it has been decided whether they will be "girly" or "manly".
Little boys' rooms decked out in blue and for the girls: pink. It is not that we automatically assume that a little girl should get a bright pink room (which is inhumane) but that after they begin making conscious decisions for themselves, we continue to shove our stale ideology down their throats. When young girls pursue an interest in that which we do not perceive as "feminine," we call them "tomboys," and tell them to act like ladies. When young boys enjoy that which is not what society has deemed "manly," we call them weak. We use the word "girl" as an insult when speaking to young boys, yet do not understand why there seems to be a lack of respect for women today. We are doing to the next generation what has been done to us for years and has been proven inherently toxic. To push gender roles on children who don't know better leaves the lethal ideology that men and women have a set place in households, work forces and the world at large.
So why do we assign gender roles to not only our children but to inanimate objects and ideas as well? This directly correlates with stereotypes influenced by the media and entertainment, our society as a whole and the stale ideology from several generations ago.
From the age of three years old, children are able to see the differences between men and women and of course, will be heavily influenced upon by their parents. This is where it gets a little bit more complicated because children use the "chunking" method to develop memorization. The child will create small groups that they will associate with something that they already know. For example, when a child sees a very large dog and has only been exposed to terriers, they may say, "Horsey!" because they know that horses are also big. Another great example is when a young child points to a toy and their parent says, "No honey, that's for boys/girls." It not only creates a direct link from the toy to the gender but also causes the child to view things that are "meant for" a gender – which is not their own – in a negative connotation.
Unfortunately, though most things gain clarity after the developmental stages, gender roles still make no sense. I was called a tomboy my entire life because I hated the color pink, wasn't even remotely neat and played sports.
Though it wasn't meant to be insulting or problematic, my parents and others referring to me as a "tomboy" did a lot more harm than good. The Free Dictionary defines “tomboy” as a girl who behaves in a way that is perceived to be stereotypically boyish or masculine. The traits of a tomboy also include enjoying the company of boys, playing sports and enjoying rough play in the outdoors. It has also been used to describe a woman who is not decent or polite but rather, immature. Often times, parents will call this spurt of masculinity out as a phase in their baby girl because a girl showing "masculine" traits is not seen as "mature". It's almost as if the belief that someone is a tomboy means that it is abnormal to not fit your assigned gender roles to a tee.
Fast forward to adolescence, and the word tomboy has become a negative one. Those that used to call you a tomboy or rough and tumble now call you manly or will even go as far as to call you a dyke.
If you're "one of the guys" you've become undateable, undesirable and unattractive because you have some preferences that may be construed as masculine. Adolescence is tricky though, because the second a girl shows preferences or traits that are remotely feminine, she is deemed a basic b*tch. We are attaching meanings to things that never required or prompted definition. If you wear makeup and enjoy putting effort into your appearance, you are deemed vapid, but if you do the opposite, you are deemed a slob or "manly". Teenage girls can't like anything without having gender roles and stereotypes forced upon them, and it just adds more to the already excessive list of problems without even taking into account those that are not cis-gendered.
Once we've reached adulthood, everything is clear – until you meet a someone that tries to compliment you by tearing down other women. Saying things like: “You’re not like the other girls,” is not even near a compliment, it is invalidating and underhanded. Not only is it pretty insulting, but It shows that you generally do not like nor do you support other women. You are entirely correct when saying that someone is "not like the other girls," when you mean that they are individual and can be picked out from a crowd of people because they are beautiful and unique. You are, however, wrong if you say: "You're not like the other girls," because a woman prefers sweatpants to shorts and has never tasted pumpkin spice. Using this phrase carries on the idea that women who enjoy “feminine” things are vapid and shallow, and it invalidates those who actually do enjoy femininity.
Let's stop tearing people down and labeling people for the things that they enjoy. Rather, let's accept people for who they are without needing to link them to a gender. Just let people exist without being examined under a microscope. It can't be that hard to break this cycle.
