School started winding down this past week. Finals are in full swing, and people are moving out as fast as they can. It's a flurry of activity, and yet somehow, everything around me feels stagnant. Perhaps it doesn't feel like the end of the year for me because life is progressing as normal. It has been a cycle of final papers, writing articles, working and hanging out with friends. Nice, friendly repetition to hold off any self reflection for right now.
However, this is the first moment I've had to think back on this past school year. My first thought is "I'm not ready to leave."
It's not because I'm on bad terms with my family, or that I'm afraid to be away from my boyfriend the entire summer. It's quite the opposite. I can't wait to be home with my amazing (albeit crazy) family, and I know my relationship will be just fine. I'm just not ready to leave campus because I still have some growing up to do.
It's such a weird thing to say, but it's true: being at college has brought me into my own. I have changed so much (to the annoyance of some) and I feel that I'm not done. However, Time sometimes has a hard deadline, and I know that I will have to draw this semester to a personal conclusion soon.
But after the sophomore year I've had, I'm not ready. How could I be? I am at a point in my life that I would have never dreamed about in high school.
I'm happy.
This year has been a success on so many levels. I proved myself intellectually, being blessed enough to present at the Undergraduate Symposium. I made new friends who appreciate and care about me who I wouldn't trade for the world. I have had opportunities open up for me throughout this year, from Odyssey to my future Resident Advisor position, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything coming my way.
Best of all, I discovered my own voice. I learned to stand up for myself and guard myself against negative people and their effect on me. This time last year I was lost and overwhelmed, having people speaking for me with their personal goals in mind. This year, I shed my fear of being alone and spoke up against a negative presence I used to call friend.
Though there have been specks of regret coloring this year, this year has been one of the brightest in my life, and I am so grateful to college for that.
I know I'm very lucky. Maybe I'm afraid that I'll leave my luck behind at EMU when I leave for the summer. However, using that same logic, it'll be here, waiting for me when I come back.
I suppose that's a risk I'm willing to take. It's just the goodbye that's the hardest.
