With May just a week away, the end of my sophomore year – and half of my time at college, which is quite a daunting thought – is quickly coming to a close. This year has been one of my best ever, and I will be driving home with equal parts happiness and sadness.

I’ve made some truly wonderful friends this year, who have completely changed my college experience. At the end of my freshman year, I’ll admit I was somewhat on the fence about how much I actually liked school. I spent the summer wondering what the next few years would bring, if I should consider transferring, if I had made the right choice in choosing Colby. Sitting in the library now, with one of my best friends, I can’t even imagine not wanting to be here. I love it more than anything. I will always find flaws in this school, but the people I’ve met and the mindset I’ve developed this year have made it into a home that I connect with deeply.

Sophomore year is infinitely better than freshman year in countless ways. The most notable thing for me, I think, was when I realized I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to. I no longer will chase after people who don’t chase after me. I don’t hang out with people I don’t like, or who don’t make me feel happy. I don’t have to spend my weekends surrounded by people who might not remember seeing me the next day, nor do I feel compelled to go out every night of the weekend just to feel like I’m not missing out on something. I stay in when I want to, and go out when I want to. I take classes I love, with teachers who make a difference in my life. I have found a group of people without whom I can barely imagine living, and am still making new friends all the time.

I will leave school in a few weeks with the knowledge that I have had a wonderful year in more ways than one. I have an incredible group of people in my life, a beautiful place that I’m lucky enough to call home, and a life filled with constant adventures. Thanks to my best friend, who pushed me to follow a path I love but had been hesitant to follow, I declared a double major in my favorite subjects: French Studies and English Creative Writing, with a concentration in poetry. She’s even taught me to love going for runs, something I never would have thought possible. I’ve laughed harder than I ever have, had some sobering and necessary in-depth conversations, and developed a better understanding of who I am as a person.

With all the happiness I have found this year, however, comes a sadness, too. I won’t be at school for three months. Although I couldn’t be more ready to leave the constant presence of work behind me, I’ll miss being here. I’ll miss the people I won’t see again until September, and those who are graduating and whom I might not see again for a long time, if ever. Some of the incredible friends I’ve found this year will be going abroad in the fall – I’ll be going abroad in the spring, which means that we won’t see each other for over a year, which I can hardly fathom. And, though I won’t trade going abroad for anything, it saddens me to to think that at this time next year I will be in different time zones from countless people I love.

It terrifies me that I am close to being halfway done with my college experience. I can’t imagine what it will be like to graduate from school, and watch my friends spread across the world to start our lives. I love the niche I have found for myself in the world. I don’t have any idea what I want to do professionally. I don’t know how I’ll pay for a place to live in this economy, and even less idea of how I’ll find a job in the increasingly competitive search for work.

All I do know is that I will be sure to make the most of life. I’ll be ending my sophomore year filled to the brim with emotion, looking forward to what the next two years have in store for me.